No Country For Old Men — The Christmas Letter

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Deck the halls and ’tis the season for that most wonderful time of year! It’s me, Carla Jean Moss, and can you believe it’s been a year since my last Christmas Letter? Where did the time go? It’s been a crazy year, I tell you that. But I guess I say that every year.

First off, we had a lot of action the Terrell County Wal-Mart. We all worked real hard and moved our inventory push-through rate up to third in the region — take that South Odessa! Sally Jessup finally got promoted to the makeup counter, but Joe Junior wanted another little one, so she’s back off her feet in the tobacco and cough syrup cage again. Bless her little miracle, but it’s hard to be a career woman these days!

Back at home, Momma finally finished the last square of her quilt of New England lighthouses, so look for that at the fair come autumn. And then there’s my Llewelyn — always up to something, that big cutie pie. First he takes in a stray cat what gave the whole trailer fleas, then he comes home with a satchel of money. I asked him where he got it, but you know men: rather drink beer than talk to their wives, as the apron says.

Things got crazy at the Wal-Mart again when Timmy Fred Buckner moved up to regional and we had to break in a new district manager, and meanwhile Llewelyn disappears then comes back all muddy and puts me on a bus to Momma’s. I barely had time to pack my Gloss ‘N’ Go! Long story short, Llewelyn is Lord-knows-where for a couple days, probably living it up with Burl and Hutch Fraker, when he calls and tells me an Momma to head down to El Paso. I do like a take-charge man!

Well, I must have walked under a ladder or some such, because in El Paso, Llewelyn is gunned down, and then Momma went to meet her eternal reward. I like to think they’re playing their harps together, Momma still nagging him to go to church. Do you still have to go to church up in Heaven? I hope so.

Things finally calmed down at the Wal-Mart — once we got those darn Kenmores out of the warehouse! And then this crazy fella with a basset hound haircut shows up at Momma’s, fixing to send me to the angels! And the most vexing thing — other than those darn Kenmores — is that now I don’t know if I’m alive or dead! Poke me with a cactus needle!

Well, I do go on! Have a merry, merry Christmas everyone! Look out for that mistletoe, and don’t eat too much turkey!

Love and kisses y’all,

Carla Jean

One more thing: did you know all this happened in 1980? I had no idea. I thought it was now times.