Mark Wahlberg is Maxy Max I Mean Max Payne

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Mark Wahlberg is apparently getting ready to make a Max Payne movie. I don’t know how to reconcile this information with accepted models of physics and probability, but you can’t argue with the Internet: it’s always right. And in other white-boy rapper video game movie news, Eminem apparently almost made a Grand Theft Auto movie.

I have no deep thoughts to distill from this cultural coincidence. So instead, watch this creepy trailer (also featuring Marky Mark) for the new M. Night Shyamalan movie The Happening, which appears to be a high-end insta-remake of The Signal. It’s almost certainly better than the actual movie.

Don’t worry, at the end they all meet up at the makecorpsesintofood-atorium.