Some Notes for Peter Berg, Who Is Apparently Directing Yet Another Dune

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So you’re making Dune. Good stuff, good stuff. Epic story, sandworms, the whole environment angle. Could be a serious thing.

But listen man: you’re a long way from Friday Night Lights here. I know you did Hancock, so you’ve goofed around with some CGI, got some technical chops. But Dune is a toughie. Lot of serious fans, lot of seriously gnarly development history. So a few notes of advice as you rig your stillsuit for the deep desert.

– The Lynch version. I know, I know, it’s a grind to watch the whole thing. But there’s a lot of seriously good stuff there. Some beautiful desert vistas. Those sweet shield effects. And those dark sets, and Kyle McLaughlin’s creepily earnest intensity. And Sting. If Lynch had had a bit more CGI and a little less studio meddling it could’ve been great. Steal from it liberally.

– No voice-overs would probably be OK, though. And maybe smaller boils on the Harkonnens. Those big oozing pimples freaked me out.

– The Weirding Way. It’s your chance to make up a whole new martial art and go prana-bindu on some asses. Forget the modules, this is a serious opportunity for freaky kung-fu! Take it!

– The Bene Gesserit. I don’t know if I’m remembering aright, but aren’t some of them supposed to be sort of…super-hot? Maybe I’m remembering the book wrong. But if I’m not: another serious opportunity. Take it!

– Definitely don’t license a melange energy drink. The Mountain Dew people will come to you. I think I hear them now. Turn them away.

– Wow, I can’t believe Virginia Madsen was in the original Dune. Not a suggestion there, just: wow.

– Patrick Stewart. He’s still a young man. OK, he’s 68, but he’s a young 68. Give him a call.

– Most important, Dune is a weird book. It’s a sick, twisted story. Don’t try to compress it like Golden Compass, don’t try to make it into something conventional, don’t try to smooth out the kinks. Revel in the freakiness. You’ll make more money that way anyway, in the long run.

OK, that’s all I can think of. I’m sure the commenters will have more.