Every year, it’s an ordeal. Some gung-ho sports fan in the office hands out that Xeroxed NCAA tournament bracket. I stare, mystified, at the meaningless grid of confusion. But I do it. I fill it out. Why does picking random winners and losers in sports matchups I know zero about and will never watch take so damn long?
Every year, excitement builds. Somehow, I start to do well. Somehow, my Number 12 beat a Number 5! My randomly-selected sports victors move up the bracket. I’m doing great. I could take this thing. I could get the $200 bucks. They should have a March Madness every month.
Every year, Thursday never comes. After that first weekend of sports games, waiting till the next batch of sports games four days later seems like a million days. I check the Xeroxes posted on the wall every day, but nothing changes. Why aren’t there more sports games?
Every year, I suck it. The team I picked to win is eliminated before the part where there are only eight teams. Dammit! I got drawn-in again! Then the team that beat the team I picked wins again and is in the Final Four, whatever that is. I pretend not to know what the Final Four is, but I really know.
Every year, sports keep happening without me. Everyone who picked good sports teams checks the wall of Xeroxes. They have sports conversations. One of them wins. They all like sports. Why isn’t there a bracket for summer movie box office?
Watch this masterpiece of sports greatness:
NCAA Expands March Madness To Include 4,096 Teams