Guillermo del Toro and Some Other Guy’s THE STRAIN: Gross Vampires!

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I will actually be doing regular blogging this week. Last week I had to go to Seattle. Then I was at BEA, which is the big publishing ho-down. But this week I will be functioning normally.

The trailer for the new Twilight movie is up. You might just want to skip straight to :45, since the first part is just about mushy feelings. Then somebody finally breaks a piano. I was left weirdly cold by the werewolf-transform effect at 1:30. But you know, I’m a Team Edward guy.

It was a relief to watch a Twilight trailer after a weekend spent reading The Strain, by Chuck Hogan and Guillermo del Toro. There are two schools of vampire writing, Hot Vampires and Gross Vampires. Some people see vampires as deathless hotties — Stoker, Rice, Meyer. Some people see them as humanoid bloodsucking ticks. The Strain vampires fall squarely in the latter camp. [mild spoilers follow]

The opening shot is as about as great as you could ask for: an airliner lands at an airport, taxis to a stop, and then … it goes dark. Blinds drawn, lights off, no movement. What happened? What’s inside? One wants to know.

As for the vampires. They nest in dirt. They crap themselves whenever and wherever. They bleed milky white ichor and are infested with little parasitical worms (that’s how vampirism gets transmitted). Best (worst) of all, they don’t have fangs. Instead they have a gross extendable stinger that shoots out of their mouths — it’s like six feet long — that they use to suck blood out of you. Snog that, Bella Swan!

Seriously, I did like The Strain a lot, enough to finish it. I may even continue on with the rest of the Strain Trilogy. But as soon as I was done I had to read Gail Carriger’s Soulless, which I picked up at BEA. Her vampires suck blood out of you the regular way. And they dress nicely.