Dick Cheney testifies before the United States Senate Select Committee on Intelligence regarding a top secret counter-terrorism program whose existence he allegedly hid from Congress:
Dianne Feinstein: Mr. Cheney, this is truly astounding. You knew of a mysterious program whose mission was so important you hid its very existence from the Congress of the United States of America?
Dick Cheney: There is a threat to the world that is so dangerous, that America has to rely on the ultimate last line of defense.
Feinstein: Billions of dollars of federal funding was secretly allocated to the development of this covert strike force. What can you tell me about it?
Cheney: I’m afraid that’s classified, Madam Chairwoman. All I can say is, a team is being assembled. They are the best operatives in the world. When all else fails – we don’t.
Feinstein: What did you say your unit was called?
Cheney: I didn’t.
Feinstein: I don’t know quite how to put this. But is this secret project… G.I. Joe?
Cheney: I can neither confirm nor deny that.
Feinstein: Are you Hawk?
Cheney: I am not Hawk.
Feinstein: You are under oath Mr. Cheney. You have to tell me if you’re Hawk.
Cheney: I am not Hawk.
Feinstein: Are you Snake Eyes?
Cheney: I can neither confirm nor deny that.
Feinstein: Look at this ordinance: Accelerator suits, The Pit underground headquarters, Rapid Fire Motorcycles—
Cheney: (CHUCKLES) You mean “RAMs?”
Feinstein: Yes I mean RAMS! Admit it, Mr. Vice-President. You were secretly trying to create a real-life G.I. Joe! At taxpayer expense!
Cheney: Technically, we don’t exist. We answer to no one. And when all else fails—
Feinstein: I know, “you don’t.” (SIGHS) Was George Bush Hawk?
Cheney: George Bush was not Hawk. He wanted to be Ripcord.
Feinstein: Admit it Mr. Cheney, we know everything!
Cheney: Knowing is half the battle. But only half.