The Tekken Trailer No One Asked For: Just Add Laugh Track

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Still no Serenity 2 news from Hollywood. But they did green light something else far more deserving of their money and our time: Tekken. Yep. Tekken. You know; the arcade game that really only sufficed when there was nothing else in sight. Or all those slow-loading sequels. Tek-Freakin-ken.

I’d criticize the trailer if it was actually trying to sell a product of merit. But some of the moments in this short flurry of kicking, spinning and PG-13 sexual suggestiveness are so abhorrent that I’m betting it fell into the lap of an upaid intern. Or a seriously stoned Tekken addict.

The trailer’s not good – at all. Hell, it’s not even bad. It’s laughably bad. So morose and serious and unshakably bland. I went from bored to irritated to chuckling by the end of it all. If SNL added a laugh track and presented the spot as some sort of comedic short, we’d hail them as brilliant.

Which leads me to my revelation for the day: I think I want to watch Tekken less than Dick in a Box: The Movie. I won’t exercise my trademark on that; Hollywood, free of charge. You’re welcome.