Stupid Zombieland Writers, Making Me Care About GI Joe Again…Seriously WTF

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Thanks a lot Rhett and Paul; you just had to go ahead and agree to help out the G.I. Joe franchise. I had already marked that series as being dead to me, now I have to go find an eraser somewhere.

According to MTV, Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, the guys who hatched the concept for the rather ingenious Zombieland, have agreed to a “meeting of the minds” with the folks over at Hasbro. They should be going over there next week, in fact, to take a tour and sit down for a chat. I hope this “chat” involves a rather serious pummeling – preferably consisting of both body blows and head locks – as a way of punishing Hasbro for what the first G.I. Joe inflicted on the moviegoing public. I sat through the movie, and I long ago demanded an apology.

But does this new development mean there could be hope yet for a G.I. Joe sequel? Rhett told MTV that he has long dreamt of creating a Joe story for the big-screen: “My very first movie was a G.I. Joe movie; I used the little G.I. Joe action figures [as my actors],” he said, laughing. “I was like 9; the sad thing was that I figured I could do stop-motion with a video camera – and we know that stop motion doesn’t work with a video camera for anyone who’s ever tried it, especially the old video cameras – so, I realized pretty quickly that it wouldn’t be a seamless motion. I’d set them up, deliver the lines.”

See, right there: That sounds better than Rise of Cobra. I’d sign up to see that: A stop motion G.I. Joe thriller, a la Fantastic Mr. Fox.

All I know is that Zombieland was a beacon of hope, when it came to smart, exciting satire. And Rise of Cobra was a black hole. But now the Hasbro folks have wisely found the antidote to their poison, leaving the rest of us with a sad realization: We might actually have to go see G.I. Joe II.

I knew it was cold outside, but who could have imagined that hell had frozen over too?

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