E-mail hath no fury like a woman neck-deep in a Twilight frenzy.
Yesterday, George ‘El Guapo’ Roush from LatinoReview.com posted a fan’s response to Universal’s latest werewolf flick, The Wolfman – a remake of the 1941 classic. (Read Techland’s review of the reboot here.) In a typo-ridden fit of rage, the note’s author lets loose on the werewolf lore presented in The Wolfman, damning their accusations that any werewolf would ever transform into “some deformed mutation of a rapid dog” or be killed by a silver bullet.
I’ll let you read for yourselves:
To whom this may concern:
This movie was a complete waste and I feel that it offends ALL Twilight Fans around the world, that including myself. For one, it was a COMPLETE remaking of the Wolf Pack from the Twilight Saga: New Moon. It gives the werewolves a bad name and makes them look like some deformed mutation of a rabid dog. I actually started to like werewolves after seeing Jacob Black and all his awesomeness on the big screen at the movies. That was until I saw your crappy remake of what you call to be a “were wolf”. I don’t see how you live with yourself for making it the way you did. If I made this movie, I would be ashamed to even admit that I owned it. How can a werewolf be killed with a silver bullet? Better yet, have you saw the transformation of the man that is “supposed” to be the wolf? He sits in some chair and his entire body turns in to some mutated freak. If you would watch the transformation of Jacob Black, (Taylor Lautner) he doesn’t come close to looking as fake, cheap and or mutated as the wolf man. You tell me, who looks to be the better werewolf. Your stupid Wolf Movie didn’t even make the top Movie for the charts; Valentines Day WITH TAYLOR Lautner! Get that this is MY oppinion and I felt I wanted to express it because I saw that your email was on your site. I wanted to let you know this is what i thought of the wolf man that sucks.
FREAKIN LAUTNER DID!
So what, good Techland readers, is the appropriate werewolf legend to follow? Do we look to Gilgamesh, carry wolfsbane, avoid full moons or pack enough silver heat to take out the wildest of beasts? In years past, tales of the children of the moon followed a similar storyline: one bite would turn you, like it or not, into an uncontrollable beast each time the full moon rose. Weren’t we all agreed? It seemed that way.
But since the ascending to franchise fame, Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series has done some serious meddling where our monster lore is concerned. (Oh god, we won’t even get into the awful things she’s done to vampires. Another post. Another day.) Nowadays, according to Ms. Meyer, werewolves are born with the ability to shape shift to protect innocent victims from blood-lusting vamps. However, they may transform whenever they like – no moon required. They’re also in complete control of their wolfy minds – as long as they don’t lose their tempers – eliminating any danger to those close to them. And as far as death is concerned, only one thing is a full-blown death sentence: vampire venom.
(More on Techland: What Twilight Means: John Granger, Professor of Meyerology)
This version certainly aids the romantic dribble being spoon fed to Team Jacobers ’round the world, but where does that leave the curse of the werewolf? It’s our character’s greatest tragedy, not his biggest strength. Right? Right? It doesn’t look like that’s the case anymore.
I say we put it to a vote. Silver bullets vs. shape shifters.
Would we win? As Twilight‘s devastating cloud of monster-fluff reaches further over sci-fi audiences, perhaps not.
More on Techland:
Interview With Wolfman Director Joe Johnston
(via The Daily What)