LOST S06E05 E-mail Chain: Claire, You So Crazy

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Well kiddies, Peter’s out of LOSTland this week, so I’m flying solo. I was just going to wax poetically about the metaphors of Jack smashing that mirror to bits, but without Peter’s faithful encouragement, it didn’t seem the same. Therefore, I decided to write him in.

So without further ado, here are my thoughts on last night’s episode and what Peter would have written back.

Allie “Wise One” Townsend: Oh boy did Claire go bat shit. She’s been living in the woods, killing people and looking for her baby. She’s going to kill whoever took him. I bet she’s totally a cannibal now.

Peter “Didn’t Watch LOST” Ha: That’s an excellent theory you have there, go on.

AT: Plot line on the island: Jack and Hurley are off to find the place the ghost of Jacob can only see, and Jin is hurt and with crazy Claire.

My questions: Why is Hurley the only one who can see Jacob? Why do we still not know what role the candidates are up for? I hope this show ends up being the biggest episode of Survivor in history.

LOSTies: “Why are we on this island?”

“In pursuit of reality television, kiddies. I’m your host, Smoke Monster.”

PH: You’re the funniest person, ever.

AT: Aw, thanks fictional Peter.

Anywho, Why does Jack have a 14-year-old son in No-Crashland? The differences between the two pre-crash universes are slowly revealing themselves, and still everyone seems connected. Also, why does everyone live in Los Angeles? I’m sorry, but if I had to find a group of people to save the world from a terrifying source of evil, I would not look in LA. I’d go find some ninjas, some Harvard scholars and an Eskimo or two. Not actors. Sheesh.

I’m sick of the confusion. Why are they on the island? Answer a question, LOST, any question.

PH: I’m so intrigued by your amazing analysis. What happens in the end?

AT: Glad you asked, fake Peter. My favorite LOST moment of the week occurred in the episode’s final seconds. I loved when dead Locke comes in and crazy Claire goes, “That’s not John. That’s my friend” with that I’m-gonna-eat-you look on her face. Cra-zy. Poor Jin. Good luck with that one when she figures out you’re lying to her about her baby being at the Temple. Yeesh.

Until next week!

Need some real LOST commentary? Head over to TIME.com’s LOSTwatch with JamesPoniewozik.