The Twilight Saga: A Total Eclipse of the Abs, Fangs and Vows

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Oh my god, oh my god!! Did you see, did you see! Have you already ditched class to watch it on a loop?!

The new Twilight Saga trailer is live, and I’m not quite sure if I should be enamored, concerned or disgusted by all things Eclipse. (More at Techland: The All-Time worst cartoon-to-movie adaptations)

There’s Edward and Bella, looking all cute on the rolling hills, uttering vows of love and loyalty.

But then there’s Jacob, uber-hunk and uber-stalker, giving all those desperate, socially-awkward guys out there the wrong message about violent persistence. (Apparently if you’ve got the abs, then you deserve the broad)

Mix in Bella’s quivering lower lip, low self-esteem, and utter dependance on her male counterparts, and you’ve got the makings of a very bizarre, unsettling, and decidedly non-PC teen drama.

Vampire, werewolf, teenage drama queen…it really matters not. This franchise is now less about a story than about perpetuating itself. Promising true love in a far away land – where apparently no one is worried about grades or college, and where no one needs a job.

Or much acting talent.

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