The Twilight Saga: A Total Eclipse of the Abs, Fangs and Vows

Oh my god, oh my god!! Did you see, did you see! Have you already ditched class to watch it on a loop?!

The new Twilight Saga trailer is live, and I’m not quite sure if I should be enamored, concerned or disgusted by all things Eclipse. (More at Techland: The All-Time worst cartoon-to-movie adaptations)

There’s Edward and Bella, looking all cute on the rolling hills, uttering vows of love and loyalty.

But then there’s Jacob, uber-hunk and uber-stalker, giving all those desperate, socially-awkward guys out there the wrong message about violent persistence. (Apparently if you’ve got the abs, then you deserve the broad)

Mix in Bella’s quivering lower lip, low self-esteem, and utter dependance on her male counterparts, and you’ve got the makings of a very bizarre, unsettling, and decidedly non-PC teen drama.

Vampire, werewolf, teenage drama queen…it really matters not. This franchise is now less about a story than about perpetuating itself. Promising true love in a far away land – where apparently no one is worried about grades or college, and where no one needs a job.

Or much acting talent.

More at Techland: The All-Time Hottest Witches

Related Topics: bella's breathlesness, eclipse, edward's emoting, jacob's a jerk, movies, trailer, twilight saga, Gaming & Culture
  • Latest on Techland

    Reuters

    It’s Official: Google Has Acquired Motorola Mobility

    Google has made its $12.5 billion acquisition of Motorola Mobility official. Google CEO Larry Page announced the closing of the deal in a company blog post.

    Despite Huge Facebook User Pool, Millions Still Say, 'No, Thanks'Huffington Post

    Amazon

    You Can Pre-order the Samsung Galaxy S III Now, but It’ll Cost You

    It’s “friggin’ huge,” as my colleague Jared Newman recently quipped, and Samsung’s Galaxy S III is also going to be friggin’ expensive if you’re in the U.S. and want firsties. While the phone’s stateside launch date is still “early June,” Amazon has started taking pre-orders for the international version.

  • Allie Townsend

    haha. nailed it.

  • doubleang

    lol. and just because it was just forwarded to me, check out:
    http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/f57c441be1/twilight-cycles

  • doubleang

    oh, and regarding the lonely guys out there getting the wrong message: trust me, we arent watching this movie

  • stephenhope

    Even funnier!

  • timothydillian

    Ha, ha, ha. God, I love parody. “Your move, douche bag!”

  • beckie66

    I read the books last summer and I am totally Team Jacob. And vampires don’t sparkle.

    The first movie was bad. I am on the library-wait list for the second as it is supposed to be ‘better’. Can’t tell much about the 3rd from this trailer, though I am sure a lot is going into it as a lot more is riding on it – how long is Twilight going to be popular, you know? It will be interesting to see what they do with the 4th installment.

    That parody is awesome!

blog comments powered by Disqus