V EP 8: “We Can’t Win” Still Much Ado About An Alien Nothing

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Sorry about the late post, this week has been busy. That, and I’m nearly out of synonyms for terrible.

Let’s recap a bit: During this week’s episode We Can’t Win (well, that seems oddly prophetic), we open with an out of place make out session between broadcast weenie Chad Decker and alien queen Anna. (Chalk that up on the list of things I never needed to see.) Thankfully, it’s all a dream sequence, but the uncomfortable vibe sticks with you through the rest of the episode. Then we launch into the usual four-part story plots: Ryan’s pregnant-with-an-alien fiancee Valerie has run off in search of answers, Tyler and Lisa might actually be falling in love, Anna is manipulating everyone and the misfit alien hunters are running around in circles in a panic. Seriously, their little band of E.T. slayers is like the opening of a terrible joke your Uncle Melvin would start to tell after his fifth Mai Thai. A priest, a crook and an alien walk into a bar…

(More on Techland: V: John May Lives … Not!)

From there we’re just bombarded with terrible dialogue and close-ups of stupid facial expressions, which I think we were supposed to believe was acting. Worst of all is Erica Evans (Elizabeth Mitchell) who had one laughable line after another:

“First the Vs got Georgie, now they’ve killed these guys. We’ve got to stop the killing.”

“The next blood that spills is going to be theirs.”

“Yesterday I was just an FBI agent and a mom.”

(More on Techland: V’s Call to Battle)

Oh, the horror. Why is it, ABC, that we have yet to see an actual alien? Have there been some budget cuts we’re unaware of? As if the CGI wasn’t already bad enough.

The only interesting storyline of the episode featured Lisa, Anna’s daughter on assignment to make Erica’s son Tyler fall deeply in love with her. During the routine empathy tests for all of the Vs, Lisa failed. It looks like her feelings for Tyler have started to become real, but instead of expose her and have her eliminated, Joshua (a secret member of the resistance) lied to Anna, allowing Lisa to live. He also tells her that she owes him a favor, which I’m sure will be cashed in sometime in the final moments of the show.

The other interesting bit was the Vs plan for complete human dependence, which would lead to their total control over them. Though the demonstrated “blue energy” was – surprise – a bit stupid-looking, the plot was solid. A true invasion would likely happen right under our noses, which is a good scare tactic, at least.

(More on Techland: Dear ABC, V Won’t Lure LOST Fans By Keeping Sci-Fi At Arm’s Length)

Sigh. I feel like joining Uncle Melvin for a drink. Are you guys still watching?