Paycheck Friday: Purchasing Suggestions For Your Perusal

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It’s Friday! Maybe you just got paid. You could use that money for boring stuff like bills, rent, and food, or you could act like a wonderfully impulsive consumer and spend it on any number of products. Here are some ideas to get you started based on your taxable income bracket.

10% ($0 to $8,375)

beer-soap-table

Combine your love of beer with your friends’ love of you not stinking with a $5 puck of Beer Soap. Choose from Corona, Guiness, Red Stripe, Sam Adams, and Stella Artois. The irony is that each puck actually costs equal to or less than an actual beer in most bars nowadays. You won’t get drunk by osmosis, unfortunately, although your relatively open schedule will allow you to work on inventing beer that you can actually ingest through your skin.

15% ($8,375 to $34,000)

bladerunner

Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have. That’s how the saying goes. Here’s a similar, but less well-known saying: “Carry the umbrella for the lifestyle you want, not for the lifestyle you have.” You make minimum wage now, but someday you’ll be a Blade Runner. The $25 Blade Runner Style LED Umbrella is your first step toward your true calling in life.

25% ($34,000 to $82,400)

fan

Summer’s coming, and nothing says “low-income” like a standard oscillating fan. Splurge a little on this $80 Wood Frame Fan that measures less than a foot in diameter and cools much better than a fan you’d find built into a mesh baseball cap but not as well as a $15 regular fan you could buy from just about every major store in the country. The wood makes it good.

28% ($82,400 to $171,850)

mypressi

You consider “camping” being at your son’s soccer game on Saturday morning. The sun washes out the screen on your iPad and the nearest Starbucks is all the way on the other side of the playing field! What are you, some kind of savage? Luckily, you’ve got the $170 Mypressi Handheld Espresso Machine. It may not be Starbucks but sometimes the world’s greatest parents have to make sacrifices, right?

33% ($171,850 to $373,650)

mint

Times are tough. You’ve had to cut back on your domestic help. It’s gotten so bad that your housekeeper now only shows up to clean your mansion every other day. What to do on the off days? It’s getting filthy around here! The $250 Mint robotic floor mopper doesn’t cost quite as much as you feel comfortable bragging about but it’ll have to do for now. Buy 25 of them!

35% ($373,650 and up)

pedicab

I’m sorry, I must have misheard you. I could have sworn you said that you walk around your own house from room to room. Why would you do that? Spend $8,000 on this Pedicab and another $8,000 to hire the guy with the beer soap to shuttle you from the rumpus room to the brandy room and everywhere in between for an entire year. Not much to think about here.

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