V EP 11: Alien Princess in Her Underwear Ought to Do The Trick

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What to do when you find your fledgling alien series in a could-be-canceled fix? Strip down a character or two.

Tuesday’s episode of V featured the staged attack of V leader Anna’s daughter Lisa, the stunning blond playing footsie with Tyler, that whiny human kid with all the mommy and daddy issues. The plot seemed to bring things closer to a head: Anna and Erica finally came face to face (Hey, it only took all season) and we get to see Lisa half naked … again.

(More on Techland: Dear ABC, V Won’t Lure LOST Fans By Keeping Sci-Fi At Arm’s Length)

Erica is leading the FBI task force pledged to take down the Fifth Column, an anti-alien organization that she’s secretly a member of, though can we really call it an organization? We haven’t met any other members, yet. Did money to pay the extras dry up due to budget cuts?

Anywho. Lisa is framing two men for her attack: scientist Lawrence Parker and tough guy Kyle Hobbes. Through some Nancy Drew-style sleuthing, Erica learns that Parker is part of a team of researchers who have uncovered a virus deadly to lizards, including lizard-like aliens. Cool. But it’s made from algae. Not so cool.

I’ll be honest, I am so glad this show is ending next week. I don’t have the stomach for it to go on much longer. Without recapping the rest of another benign episode – seriously, the dialogue reads like the obvious subtitles of silent films – here are a few of my notes. I’ve run out of analysis. Please, somebody just make it stop.

Anna: “A picture is worth a thousand words.” Seriously, ABC writers? You’re going with cliches now?

More delusions from the tool known as Chad Dekker: “My audience listens to me.” Ha, this show is hilarious. Also, I just can’t stop thinking about how Scott Wolf’s only chance at a decent role will be playing Michael J. Fox in a biopic about his life. Seriously, I smell an Oscar Golden Globe “Good For You” sticker.

(More on Techland: Chad Dekker, This is All Your Fault)

I still love Father Jack, though he serves no purpose than to be the odd man out in all this violence. (I’m still keeping my fingers crossed that he grabs a ax and goes crazy on an alien during the finale.) While he’s giving Ryan advice in the car, I keep thinking he’s the Yoda of V, without the memorable one-liners.

Police to Lawrence Parker: “You’re under arrest for the attempted murder of the Visitor known as Lisa.” So. If someone tried to attack Prince, would the police have to say, “You’re under arrest for the attempted murder of the Artist formerly known as Prince?” I know, I know, he changed it back, but think about it.

Hobbes is a double crosser because of course he is. No one’s surprised by this, right?

Tyler finally trusts his mommy. Well ain’t that … annoying as hell. This is the worst mother/son relationship on TV. Also, why is Tyler never in school or at a part-time job? Give him a realistic life and maybe we’ll believe your story.

That’s it for me. Next week we get an army of alien babies, Ryan and Val’s human/alien baby and the humanization of Lisa. Let’s get this over with.

(More on Techland: What Would Make ABC’s V Worth Watching Again?)