Splice, a movie centered around the subject of a half-human, half-animal hybrid creature, hits theaters this Friday and looks like it has the potential to be uncomfortably terrifying. Let’s ease into things with a look at some famous human-animal hybrids from the ancient past, shall we?
Sphinxes
Half-lion and half-human, sphinx statues are found all over the world. The most famous, of course, being the Great Sphinx of Giza located in Egypt. Nobody seems to be able to agree about who actually built the Great Sphinx, how old it is, and what—if anything—it’s guarding. Estimates of its age range between 2,500 BC and 10,000 BC and it measures over 240 feet long and over 66 feet high. It was carved from a single slab of stone, making it the largest statue of its type in the world today.
Centaurs
Probably one of the cooler combinations of animals, the human part of the human-horse hybrid known as the Centaur really only swapped out boring human legs for awesome horse legs. You have to take the horse’s backside in order to get the legs but, hey, really fast galloping comes at a price.
Minotaurs
Not quite as cool as Centaurs, Minotaurs swap the raw power and strength of a bull’s body for a human one and swap the intelligence and relatively good breath of a human head for a bull one. They can sometimes be found in labyrinths. Often they are asked to leave china shops, which is unfair because full-on bulls cause trouble in china shops, not humans with bull heads. Some accounts portray Minotaurs as bull bodies with human heads, similar to Centaurs. Those you want to keep out of china shops for sure.
Satyrs
Half-man and half-goat, Satyrs don’t really run with the same crowd as the Centaurs and Minotaurs. They’re more into pipe playing, wine drinking, and maintaining constant erections (as depicted in countless works of art). “As Dionysiac creatures they are lovers of wine and women, and they are ready for every physical pleasure.”
Mermaids/Mermen
Fish on the bottom, human on top. That’s mermaids and mermen for you. Add a quick hyphen and we get Mer-Man from He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. The Universe, in this case, definitely extended into the sea, where Mer-Man ruled all.
Sirens
As half-human and half-bird, Sirens could probably be categorized with what we’ve come to think of as angels if it weren’t for the whole part about luring sailors to their deaths through the magic of song. Seems pretty un-angelic. Sirens have been likened to both mermaids and the Sphinx and were at first depicted as birds with human heads and then later as good-lookin’ ladies. The back story is kind of all over the place, but that Sirens were eventually depicted as good-lookin’ ladies makes the idea of being seduced to your death work better. There’s nothing seductive about birds with lady heads.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Of all human-animal hybrids, the story of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is the creepiest and darkest. It goes far beyond some spilled green ooze, into a world of backdoor deals between people in positions of power and an alien race known as the Utrom. Not only were they just hanging around here, “They are responsible for creating and losing the canister of mutagen that transformed Splinter and the Turtles.” Oh but yet they’re “usually extremely peaceful and non-interfering.” Fellas, you dropped space ooze into a New York sewer. You’re lucky it just hit a pile of turtles and a rat. That’s definitely interfering! There are alligators and bums down there.
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