Paycheck Friday: Purchasing Suggestions For Your Perusal

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It’s Friday! Maybe you just got paid. You could use that money for boring stuff like bills, rent, and food, or you could act like a wonderfully impulsive consumer and spend it on any number of products. Here are some ideas to get you started based on your taxable income bracket.

10% ($0 to $8,375)


Food or heat? Food… or… heat? It’d be nice to not have to make that decision week in and week out, but money’s tight. Take heart! You can have both, sort of. This $8 set of wax cookie candle melts means you can enjoy a little bit of heat along with the smell of fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies. Pretend you can eat them! But don’t actually eat them.

15% ($8,375 to $34,000)


So your freelance photography business hasn’t quite taken off yet. That doesn’t mean you can’t make everyone believe you’ve got top of the line equipment. Spend $22 on this expensive looking camera lens but don’t tell anyone it’s actually just a travel mug.

25% ($34,000 to $82,400)


Look, you’re making decent money now. Maybe it’s time to find a golf course where you don’t have to worry about people stealing your clubs. Until then, pick up this $50 Golf Bag Alarm System. If the alarm “detects substantial movement” of your golf bag, it’ll go off. Or if the keyfob and alarm are separated by more than 30 yards, it’ll go off. So don’t pick up your bag and don’t move more than 30 yards away from it. Then it won’t get stolen. Never mind that nobody’s going to steal your clubs if you’re always within 30 yards.

28% ($82,400 to $171,850)


World Cup soccer something! Soccer! Every four years something soccer-related happens! Show off your enthusiasm AND your huge paycheck by blowing $85 on this totally impractical soccer ball cell phone. Is that a tennis ball in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? If one thing’s certain, it’s not a cell phone shaped like a—whup, yes it is. How ‘bout that.

33% ($171,850 to $373,650)


You’ve got what they call “new money.” It’s different than “old money.” With new money, you have to let everyone know that you have all this money. Otherwise, how will they know you’re new money? They won’t assume you’re old money unless you’ve descended from generations of moneyed persons. Whatever’s in your giant house MUST be the most expensive of its kind. Obviously, a $10 peephole won’t do. You’re going to need this $120 digital peephole instead. Everyone will say, “Man, that’s some money you’ve got.”

35% ($373,650 and up)


King size bed with a bamboo fiber mattress cover and also this mattress individually inclines on both the right and left sides, plus it’s got built-in massage features and costs $3,200? Check. Good thing it’s got the bamboo fiber mattress cover, huh? That’s a real deal breaker right there.

(More on Techland: Paycheck Friday archive)