Paycheck Friday: Purchasing Suggestions For Your Perusal

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It’s Friday! Maybe you just got paid. You could use that money for boring stuff like bills, rent, and food, or you could act like a wonderfully impulsive consumer and spend it on any number of products. Here are some ideas to get you started based on your taxable income bracket.

10% ($0 to $8,375)

vuvu

Contrary to what you may have heard, the Vuvuzela is NOT annoying. It’s probably the coolest soccer-related fad right now aside from tie games. Impress your friends, neighbors, and co-workers with the soothing sounds of a swarm of angry locusts for just eight bucks.

15% ($8,375 to $34,000)

umbrella

Ah, the noble Samurai. A skilled warrior, but not impervious to rain. And your love of all things Samurai means that your umbrella should have a Samurai handle. This $20 Samurai Compact Umbrella strikes a nice balance between price and performance—just make sure to grab your real sword when you head out for battle. Unless it rains, then grab both.

25% ($34,000 to $82,400)

dog

Damn dog always wanting damn water when you’re always on the damn toilet. Instead of buying a fancy “water bowl” like you’ve read about in magazines, try out this $40 Doggie Fountain and hope against hope that your dog has the mental capacity to step on a platform to get drinking water.

28% ($82,400 to $171,850)

axesling

Hey, nice $165 Axe Sling. Gonna chop some wood later? No? Ah, you want to be prepared in case you run into umbrella-toting Samurai. Good idea.

33% ($171,850 to $373,650)

lounger

Times are tough for grown men in khaki shorts who want people to push them in their reclining outdoor rocking chairs. Your penny loafers say “In it to win it,” but your constant desire to sway back and forth says “I miss my mommy.” Set the $200 Foot Propelled Rocking Outdoor Lounger up in a quiet corner of your well-maintained patio and work your issues out in private.

35% ($373,650 and up)

powerplate

Why did it take so long to think up the $4500 Power Plate my5 Acceleration Training Machine? It vibrates while you lean on it, stand on it, climb on it, and whatever else you choose to do on it in the privacy of your own gigantic home. So to recap, it’s an apparatus that vibrates. For $4500.

(More on Techland: Paycheck Friday Archive)

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