It’s Friday! Maybe you just got paid. You could use that money for boring stuff like bills, rent, and food, or you could act like a wonderfully impulsive consumer and spend it on any number of products. Here are some ideas to get you started based on your taxable income bracket.
10% ($0 to $8,375)
Fork, spoon, bottle opener, screwdriver, wrench, carabiner, and pry tip? How much, a thousand dollars? $6.99? Sold. Now go sell all your silverware and buy some canned food to test out your new toy. And smokes. Get smokes.
15% ($8,375 to $34,000)
None of your friends are going to tell you this, but I will. You have no money because you spend it all on Slushies. It’s ice and sugar water! Two of the cheapest consumables known to man and you’re paying handsomely for them to be combined together! At $23, we can all agree that the Slushie Express will pay for itself in less than a week.
25% ($34,000 to $82,400)
Stop fighting it, man. You’re trapped in that weird netherworld where you have to wear ties to work but you don’t get paid enough to wear ties to work. I was there once. Worked for Verizon right after college. Not the cool Verizon headquarters, Verizon at the mall. Me, in a tie, at the mall with a college degree and toothpaste on my one semi-clean tie. Shoulda dropped $35 on a motorized tie rack and slowly built my tie empire one thread at a time.
28% ($82,400 to $171,850)
See that guy on the far right there? That could be you! Just throw down $250 for this Instant Outdoor Rumpus Room. That guy isn’t having fun with his kids. He doesn’t even have kids. He’s shaking his fists at all the neighborhood kids for hogging his rumpus room, yelling, “If I’d have known buying my own inflatable rumpus room would attract all the kids in the neighborhood, I would NEVER have bought it! I’d come in there and shoo all you kids out but I’m still wearing my work pants. Damn you all!”
33% ($171,850 to $373,650)
This mixed martial arts-inspired Throwdown Bed is for kids. Last time I checked, the UPS man doesn’t verify if any kids live in your house when he delivers stuff to you. And at $1250, that’s not going to be a cheap delivery fee. Unfortunately it’s only a twin-sized bed but if you’re ordering an MMA Throwdown Bed, finding someone else to sleep in it with you probably isn’t in the cards. If you’re already in a relationship, hold on to her for dear life.
35% ($373,650 and up)
Carbon fiber. You’re all about carbon fiber. Used in everything from laptops to war machines, it’s one of the few materials that’s as thin as it is strong. Just like you! With all your many monies, you should buy this carbon fiber toilet. It doesn’t actually exist yet but you can contact the guy who came up with the concept and mention something about money being no object.
(More on Techland: Paycheck Friday Archive)