Paycheck Friday: Purchasing Suggestions For Your Perusal

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It’s Friday! Maybe you just got paid. You could use that money for boring stuff like bills, rent, and food, or you could act like a wonderfully impulsive consumer and spend it on any number of products. Here are some ideas to get you started based on your taxable income bracket.

10% ($0 to $8,375)


No fridge, no bread, no food, no problem. You’ve got all you need with the Candwich line of canned sandwiches. There’s strawberry PB and J, grape PB and J, and—ewww, barbecue chicken. Despite some early financial hurdles, Candwich may still make it to the market this year. No word on the price but, hey, it’s a canned sandwich. And one of them is barbecue chicken.

15% ($8,375 to $34,000)


Can’t find your dad? Who needs him?! All you need is $18 for this Inflatable Dad. This one’s the strong, silent type, and while he won’t be able to help you with your homework, he’s got a cool mustache and he’s up for going anywhere, anytime. Not sure what he’s doing with these two old golfers but that’s Inflatable Dad’s business, not mine.

25% ($34,000 to $82,400)


The Folding Shower doesn’t exist yet but with your tiny apartment and the fact that you haven’t bathed properly in months, you’re undoubtedly up to the task of building your own from parts cobbled together from Home Depot. Looks like it could be replicated by buying a cheap storage closet system like you’d put in your garage, gutting it out, and attaching the hose to it. I see a drain on the fold-up floor but I don’t see where the water goes. Oh well.

28% ($82,400 to $171,850)


Now we’re talking. Bruce Willis cologne, everybody. You’ll have to get it from Germany and prices can run up to around $127 for a full fragrance set but the tagline is “Smart guys live forever.” Eternal life AND smelling like Bruce Willis? Sign me up, boyo.

33% ($171,850 to $373,650)

These automatic self-lacing shoes don’t have a price tag but I think we can all agree that the time saved on having to tie your shoes is worth its weight in gold many times over.

35% ($373,650 and up)


Apple has put you in a tough position. The most expensive iPhone 4 only tops out at $300. That’s chump change! If only there were a way for you to pay an insane amount for the new iPhone while letting people know that you paid an insane amount for the new iPhone. Ah, perfect. Blind them with this $20,000 diamond-encrusted iPhone 4. Problem solved.

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