In honor of Star Wars Month, I volunteered to painstakingly watch all six Star Wars movies and compile a list of gadget-like devices I spot in each one. I can promise you I will miss a few and I won’t know what some of them are supposed to be called, but I’ll be damned if I don’t watch all six episodes of one of the greatest film franchises of all time in the name of “work.”
And so we dance.
5:02 – Tabletop Hologram Projector
Built right into Palpatine’s desk. Must be nice. I bet he’s got a Herman Miller chair, too. Chancellorship has its privileges.
14:52 – Homing Goggles
These state of the art goggles worn by the Changeling can track flying worm-dispersal units with Jedi hanging from them.
As a bonus, they turn everything a pinkish-purplish hue and feature arbitrary checkerboard animations over each eyepiece.
21:24 – Regular TV (Not 3D)
Notice that sports programming in this futuristic society is NOT in 3D. There was likely a 3D movement at one point in time, which was later abandoned after it was found to induce headaches and awful 3D-specific movies.
25:50 – Hover Scooter
I’ll pretend I don’t know that Yoda will flip around with the athleticism of a cat that does gymnastics during an upcoming epic light saber battle and instead assume that since he’s so old, he needs a futuristic motorized scooter that looks like a floating bedpan.
32:47 – Library Computer
It’s big, it’s bulky, and Obi-Wan had to ask the librarian for help. She insists that “If an item does not appear in our records, it does not exist.” Seems libraries are a universal constant.
34:44 – Spikey Shootey Balls
Luke Skywalker will face the spikey shootey balls someday as a grown man, just as these small children are doing. It’s like when Kramer took that kids karate class on Seinfeld.
35:29 – Map Reader
Coolest gadget yet. A golf ball sized object that projects all known star systems in a three-dimensional map that you can walk through.
39:25 – Communications Headset
We have these now! Except for that cool bronze bar that’s touching Obi-Wan’s forehead. That thing is awesome. In the future, we won’t keep headsets on our head with bands that go over the top. They’ll all clasp tightly to our foreheads. No more embarrassing headset hair!
55:10 – Pedestal Hologram Projector
I’m starting to think that hologram projection technology during this time period has been perfected because, man, these things are everywhere.
58:32 – Jetpack
This item has been on every kid’s wish list until well into adulthood. It’d be easier to think of occasions you wouldn’t benefit from a jetpack than occasions you would.
1:00:56 – Homing Device
We have these now, too! But ours aren’t readily available in our pockets like Obi-Wan’s was and we can’t just throw them 50 feet and watch as they magnetically affix themselves to ascending spacecraft like he did.
1:53:47 – Real-time 3D War Table
It’s probably multitouch-enabled but you don’t want to stick your hands in there while there’s a battle going on. You could lose a finger! Imagine the game of RISK you could play on this thing. Or Chutes and Ladders.
1:56:15 – Handheld Storage Device with Pico Projector
Complete with blueprints for the infamous Death Star. And it has its own built-in holographic pico projector, of course.
That’s it. Stay tuned for Episodes III through VI rolling out all this month.
More on Techland: