13 Thoughts About Warehouse 13 2.9: Vendetta

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Clearly, Warehouse 13 is written and shot way in advance, and not the kind of thing that can be turned around on a dime because of one loudmouth making noises on the internet. And yet… there were times during last night’s episode where I felt as if it was giving me exactly what I’d been asking for here for a long time. Here’re 13 thoughts about “Vendetta”:

1. Hello, Thematic Consistency. This was really an episode about the inescapable nature of people’s pasts: Both Artie’s and Todd’s (!) pasts caught up with them in different ways, underscoring the fact that HG Wells, for all of her turning over a new leaf and becoming a good little agent talk, may not be exactly the good egg that she’s now claiming to be. Or is she? After all, Artie and Todd are both different people now, in their own ways (Artie, emotionally, Todd literally) than they were in the lives they’re escaping from, so why can’t HG start all over…?

2. So, About Artie’s Past… Let me get this straight: Artie gave the Russians random objects that he had no knowledge or curiosity about, in exchange for their allowing his relatives to leave Russia and life as political prisoners? Really? And he really had no idea that the objects he was giving to them were artifacts of any mystical significance? I’m not sure I buy that, even if it does bring up the possibility of there being a Russian Cold War version of a Warehouse out there, somewhere. The Artie I know is too nosy to not look into why those objects in particular were so important…

3. “Man, This Is A Huge List!” You said it, Pete: If all of the people that Artie helped bring over were his relatives, then Artie has a very, very large family. Also: He must’ve given the Russians a lot of artifacts. Hello, future story fodder (Seriously: Who doesn’t want to see the Bizarro Former Communist Pete, Myka and Claudia? You know that would be awesome, like Fringe‘s walternate crew).

4. “You Traded Artifacts For People?” Heeeeeeeeey, there. Why so self-righteous, Myka? Especially if Artie thought that the objects he was passing to the Russians were random and harmless (Even if I’m unconvinced that that was really the case); I know she’s meant to be the straight-arrow of the team, but still, this seemed more than a little naive. I am now imagining Myka researching the long history of arms-dealing and being appalled by the entire world.

5. The Moscow Of The Warehouse 13 Universe Is Surprisingly Clean. Look, normally this show does pretty well convincing me that they’re in whatever location the characters are supposed to be in, but this week…? Not so much. As my wife said, “Moscow looks just like Boston.”

6. TODDDDDDDDDDD! (1). I love that, what, four weeks after Claudia and Todd split up and with no commentary from anyone since then, this week everyone seemed to have an opinion about the two of them breaking up and Claudia avoiding the hardware store. Clearly, these are not the most observant secret agents in the world.

7. TODDDDDDDDDDD! (2). Okay, I knew that something was up with Todd, but I really didn’t see that particular backstory coming. Although, let’s face it: It’s better than he really wasn’t after Claudia and/or trying to break into the Warehouse, because otherwise, he would be part of the worst plan ever: “Okay, so I’ll go undercover in a hardware store and wait for one of the Warehouse agents to come in because, hey, who doesn’t go into a hardware store? And then I’ll be all, like, so I’m a hacker and shit and then we’ll date and then I’ll have her at my mercy!”

7.5. Actually, I’m Pretty Sure I Read That Plot In An Old Fantastic Four Once. Isn’t that the origin of the Mole Man?

8. TODDDDDDDDDDD! (3). So… Todd’s gone again? He came back for one episode and then is written out again? I refer my learned colleagues to my commentary about the weirdness of pacing and plots this season. Aside from Claudia potentially getting over her Toddfear, what did we gain from his return?

9. I Am Now Convinced That The Warehouse Has The Most Ridiculous Corporate Structure Imaginable. Wait, who is Abin Kassan? “You make the decisions!” we’re told, but isn’t that what the Regents do? Is Kassan one of the Regents? Does he do the Regents’ bidding? Wasn’t that what Mrs. Frederick does? Is he another Mrs. Frederick? Or her boss? Or the Regents’ boss (Someone has to pick the Regents, after all)? Somewhere, there’s a map of the Warehouse infrastructure, and it looks like that scribble that floated above Charlie Brown’s head when he was in a bad mood. (Also, Abin Kassan? Green Lantern reference?)

10. Artie’s Right About HG Wells, Y’all. On the one hand, I have no idea what Artie has against HG and quite why he (over)reacted to her being made an agent – Or, to be more specific, why, if he has something against her, he doesn’t share it with everyone else and let them make up their own minds, instead of storming off in a “It’s the end of the episode so I must forebode” huff. But on the other, there is no way she is not up to no good. If you can cut through my triple negative to get to my point.

11. “I Asked To Be Bronzed.” Really? I don’t quite believe you, if only because I’m sure something like that would be in the records and easy to look up. Or, for that matter, that even if you asked, TPTB would be perfectly okay with bronzing people that they don’t believe actually deserve it themselves. There’s much more to HG than she’s letting on, but I think that’s the point.

12. The Time Machine (1). If HG is to be believed, then she asked to be bronzed because she was convinced that she would be able to find a time machine in Warehouse 12 to go back and save her (for some reason, I am convinced entirely fictional) daughter. But then, when she woke up, she decided that she didn’t want to do that for some unknown reason, and Myka is perfectly okay with that? Okay enough to recommend her as a W13 agent, and let her into the Warehouse? Either Myka is incredibly gullible, or else HG is pulling some kind of mind-whammy on her.

13. The Time Machine (2). So next week features Myka and Pete going back to the Warehouse: Mad Men Era, and I’m not supposed to notice that that means the Warehouse has a time machine the very episode after HG Wells said that the reason she joined Warehouse 12 in the first place was to get access to a time machine? If that is not at least mentioned, I am going to be very pissed. If it isn’t very intentional and will lead to HG heading off into the past to change history and lead us to a mid-season finale, I’ll be very surprised, for that matter…