WTF: Stretch Armstrong Movie “As Much Dark Knight As It Is Bourne”

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For some, the idea of a movie based on the old Stretch Armstrong toy, starring Taylor Lautner in the pliable title role, may sound like the recipe for some frothy, throwaway summer fare. For Stretch screenwriter Nick Stoller, however, it’s something very different:

Stretch lives in a very grounded, real world. Our inspiration is as much The Dark Knight as it is the Bourne movies. His nemesis is a rogue element. Not to get to into it, but they are rogue soldiers. Those are his nemesis… I am not worried about him being too close to Plastic Man or Mr. Fantastic from Fantastic Four. It’s quite different. It’s a lot more grounded in the real world, assuming that you had a guy who could stretch. What would that look like? He’s not creating parachutes. It’s a much-more grounded look.

Firstly, I can’t be the only person having trouble dealing with the sentence “it’s a lot more grounded in the real world, assuming that you had a guy who could stretch,” if only because… well, I’m pretty sure that means removes it from that real world grounding right away. Secondly, yes, The Dark Knight was a very successful film about a movie who dresses up in a bat suit to fight crime. I get that. But is there any shred of proof anywhere in the world that anyone other than the people making this movie actually wants to see a “real world” “grounded” “dark” Stretch Armstrong movie? Seriously? At least GI Joe: The Rise Of Cobra had the decency to be campy.

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