WTF: Stretch Armstrong Movie “As Much Dark Knight As It Is Bourne”

For some, the idea of a movie based on the old Stretch Armstrong toy, starring Taylor Lautner in the pliable title role, may sound like the recipe for some frothy, throwaway summer fare. For Stretch screenwriter Nick Stoller, however, it’s something very different:

Stretch lives in a very grounded, real world. Our inspiration is as much The Dark Knight as it is the Bourne movies. His nemesis is a rogue element. Not to get to into it, but they are rogue soldiers. Those are his nemesis… I am not worried about him being too close to Plastic Man or Mr. Fantastic from Fantastic Four. It’s quite different. It’s a lot more grounded in the real world, assuming that you had a guy who could stretch. What would that look like? He’s not creating parachutes. It’s a much-more grounded look.

Firstly, I can’t be the only person having trouble dealing with the sentence “it’s a lot more grounded in the real world, assuming that you had a guy who could stretch,” if only because… well, I’m pretty sure that means removes it from that real world grounding right away. Secondly, yes, The Dark Knight was a very successful film about a movie who dresses up in a bat suit to fight crime. I get that. But is there any shred of proof anywhere in the world that anyone other than the people making this movie actually wants to see a “real world” “grounded” “dark” Stretch Armstrong movie? Seriously? At least GI Joe: The Rise Of Cobra had the decency to be campy.

More On Techland:

The Future of Hasbro’s Star Wars Line Involves “Lots and lots of Ewoks!”

Transformers Package Art – More Than Meets The Toy

Related Topics: miscellany, movies, Stretch Armstrong, Gaming & Culture
  • Latest on Techland

    Nvidia

    Nvidia’s Kai Brings Hope for $199 Quad-Core Tablets

    Nvidia has a plan to make cheap Android tablets a lot more powerful. The company will launch a platform this year called “Kai” that will let device makers bring quad-core tablets to market for $199.

    The Top 7 Women On YouTube: Meet The Site's Biggest Female StarsHuffington Post

    gavels

    Jury: Google Didn’t Infringe on Oracle Patents

    A federal jury in San Francisco has decided that Google didn’t infringe on Oracle’s patents when the search company developed its popular Android software for mobile devices.

  • grape_crush

    - Would mashing up Lautner’s roles in Twilight and Armstrong allow us to include Stretch’s canine companion, Fetch Armstrong?

    - What about Stretch’s nemesis, Wretch Armstrong?

    - If Stretch gets shot, will that gooey liquid ooze out?

blog comments powered by Disqus