School! It’s where you send your kids when you’ve realized that you don’t love them enough to keep them around all day. But if fiction is to be believed, schools are also magical and exciting places where children learn more than just the basics of geography or math. But with so many schools to choose from, which one offers the most well-rounded curriculum… of death? Leaving no child behind, here are ten to choose from.
Beacontown High School
Pluses: Admittedly, this smalltown average American high school doesn’t seem to have a lot going for it on the face of it, but if you’re into sports and/or werewolves, then this is the school for you. The basketball team has never quite recovered from that year when Scott Howard proved that (a) werewolves are surprisingly good on the court and (b) that, even when not particularly lupine, short men can still shoot some hoops.
Minuses: Those with strong allergies, particularly to fur, may want to avoid.
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Sunnydale High School
Pluses: With an expansive campus spread across the glamorous and sunny southern Californian area, Sunnydale High has become known for its memorable graduation ceremonies and expansive library filled with little-known arcane texts, as well as a syllabus that includes both egg babies and a curious amount of computer classes.
Minuses: Despite the active social scene, built around “The Bronze” – a bar that seems to not be a bar, but instead a hang-out for underage non-drinkers with a succession of surprisingly high profile musical guests – it is recommended that you do not go out after dark if you value your life. Also, Sunnydale is currently a smoldering hole in the ground.
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Pluses: Set in the beautiful British countryside, Hogwarts has gained a reputation for providing its students with a well-rounded education in the basics, as well as a grounding in botany, sports and dealing with mythical creatures.
Minuses: A surprisingly narrow-minded inclusion policy means that it is unlikely your child will be admitted, as well as fostering a potentially racist mindset amongst its students. In addition, there is a worryingly high turnover in staff, particularly in the “Dark Arts” area.
The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning
Pluses: Formerly the Xavier’s School For Gifted Youngsters, this New York state school has long enjoyed a reputation for helping its students reach their highest potential while also fostering outside interests such as travel to exotic locations, social activism against bigotry and the value of teamwork against giant robotic killing machines.
Minuses: Students seem to be unable to leave the faculty for very long, leading to the school’s name change in 1994. Students with body issues may be uncomfortable with the spandex-themed school uniforms.
Smallville High School
Pluses: With a strong grounding in basic American values, Kansas’ Smallville High has turned out both major metropolitan newsmen and mad scientists-turned-former Presidents. The value of the education received here cannot be understated, although it seems at times as if the classes never actually happened.
Minuses: The area has become known for a high amount of meteor activity in recent years, and potential students would be advised to stay indoors during such events, as well as avoiding any obviously glowing objects and/or liquids that they find afterwards. Also, some students have reported getting sick due to repeated exposure to x-rays despite no x-ray machines being found within school grounds.
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Orange Star High School
Pluses: Placed in the unfortunately-named “Satan City,” Orange Star High students enjoy a wide variety of lessons from math to PE, the latter of which can prove particularly useful if your child is secretly studying to defend the world from future alien invasion with the use of “dragon balls”. The school’s alternative name, Herculopolis High, underlines the future heroic potential of its students.
Minuses: Given that the star on the school’s facade is, in fact, white, it could be argued that the school’s artistic program may be a little on the weak side.
Galaxy High School
Pluses: An interstellar high school, Galaxy High promotes tolerance and open-mindedness through its broad range of students. However, those worried that Earth customs may be lost in this extra-terrestrial-filled learning environment can take comfort from a curriculum that very closely mirrors the average American experience. Through complete coincidence, of course.
Minuses: On historical evidence, only two students from Earth are accepted into Galaxy High every year, which means that you’ll have to hot-house your children from the moment they’re born just to give them a hope of attending. Also, imagine how long it would take them to school each morning.
Pluses: Home of the creme-de-la-futureastronauts, San Francisco’s Starfleet Academy teaches men, women and aliens of indeterminate gender to be the best they can be by learning the value of teamwork, proficiency and always obeying orders until you shouldn’t obey orders anymore. Plus, hot green chicks, even in the JJ Abrams revised version.
Minuses: It eventually leads to Star Trek: Voyager. And Wesley Crusher.
Pluses: For children with exceptional abilities searching for their place in the world, there are few better places that Tower Prep., a school that specializes in subject rather than personality – Where else are teachers only known by their specialized area, instead of by “names”? This forward-thinking establishment cares so much about the safety and security of its students that it even has special guards to make sure that none ever escape… I mean, leave without permission.
Minuses: Admittedly, it’s not exactly a school that anyone gets to choose to attend; students are apparently kidnapped in their sleep and enrolled without their consent. But is that really too high a price to pay for a good education? (More on Techland: Harry Potter Fans Being Hacked?)
Okishima Island School
Pluses: Located on the isolated island of Okishima to maintain concentration, Okishima Island is the ultimate in exchange schools, bringing students from 50 schools together to compete for a prize on an annual basis.
Minuses: The prize is “their lives.” Plus, some may have a problem with Okishima Island School being part of a government-run program, while others may take issue with the school being a pilot for an experiment program to control overpopulation. If you are at peace with government oversight over your children’s education and wellbeing, however, this is a highly recommended establishment.
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