Okay, so NASA hasn’t announced that it’s discovered evidence of extra-terrestrial life, as was rumored/hoped for as soon as today’s press conference was announced earlier this week. And while the discovery of an entirely new lifeform that redefines life as we know it is nothing to be sneezed at – Anything that actually deserves the sentence “Everything you knew about [Subject X] is wrong is more than alright with me – the idea of someone actually discovering alien life got me thinking… What fictional aliens do I wish we’d somehow manage to find first? Here are 10 suggestions for the extra-terrestrials that would make our first contact a pleasant experience.
Kryptonians
While history may have demonstrated that large numbers of refugees from the planet Krypton are likely to bring either cultural misunderstandings or full-scale war to Earth, all it takes is one look at the example of Superman to see what potential this alien race would have to bringing truth, justice and brightly colored fashions to humanity.
Martians
Humanity has long fantasized about little green men from Mars, but if there’s one thing that DC Comics’ Martian Manhunter teaches us, it’s that apparently Martians are quite tall. That they’re also superpowered, detectives and love Oreo cookies only makes me wish they could come and visit already… as long as they leave their genocidal White Martian brethren behind. (More on Techland: 10 Fictional Schools To Send Your Children To – To Die)
Martians (2)
Yes, Marvin the Martian may have tried multiple times to try and destroy our planet, but all it takes is one good look at the cute little tyrant and all is forgiven. Who could resist meeting small extra-terrestrial despots that dress like ancient Roman soldiers and talk with such weird voices? Only those with no hearts, is who. And it’s not like these Martians are even competent enough to actually be dangerous.
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Whatever ET Is
And talking of cute aliens: There’s so much we don’t know about the hero of Steven Spielberg’s 1982 sci-fi sentimentfest: Where does he come from? What does he want (Apart from going home)? What is he capable of, besides controlling plant life and making bikes fly? Why is he such a lightweight when it comes to drinking? None of that matters, though, when you consider the chance that whatever aliens are out there, they might be as ugly-cute and filled with love as this one.
Vulcans
As anyone who’s seen any amount of Star Trek can tell you, there’s so much that Vulcans can teach humanity, whether it’s their tolerant attitudes to external cultures, their impressive self-defense techniques or just their ability to hang with space hippies. With only three centuries to go before James T. Kirk has to go from Iowa to saving the universe on a near-weekly basis, it’s probably time they appeared and started sharing some of their secrets. (More on Techland: Scarlet Johannson Is Our Latest Sexy Killer Alien)
Betazoids
I admit; there’s definitely something scary about the idea of aliens that can read your mind, but thank Star Trek: The Next Generation‘s Deanna Troi for making it seem like a good idea in two different ways. Not only did she show that there’s nothing that scary about such a passive, understanding alien telepath, she also made it seem like a really good idea to have a telepath as your therapist. Just imagine how many sessions you’d save on if your therapist could literally read your mind and tell you what you were really thinking all along.
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(More on Techland: 5 Alien Invasions To Worry About)
Timelords
Sure, it’s safe to say that Doctor Who has taught us that almost everyone from the planet Gallifrey, with the exception of the good Doctor himself, is uptight, too fond of high collars in their costuming and enunciates with the skill of a classically-trained English stage actor. But all of that would be worthwhile for access to time-travel technology, even if it meant traveling in a beaten-up blue phone box from the 1960s.
Wookiees
For those who’ve found themselves thinking, “I love dogs, but I wish they could be slightly more like people,” I would like to introduce you to Wookiees. As the first three Star Wars movies have demonstrated, Wookiees are as loyal, trustworthy and hairy as any canine, but with the added benefit of being able to repair robots and fly starships. Okay, they may have poor tempers if they lose boardgames, but consider this: Can your dog even play chess? I think I’ve made my point.
Celestials
Far be it from me to suggest that aliens could solve disagreements over theology, but if the arrival of a real-life equivalent to Jack Kirby’s giant aliens that claim to be behind the creation of the human race as part of a cosmic science experiment can’t bring all religious leaders together – if only to denounce the aliens and call for their immediate destruction – then I don’t know what can. (More on Techland: Is Hollywood Abandoning Found Footage Sci-Fi?)
Whatever Gonzo Is
Firstly, Muppet purists, I know that Gonzo may not be an alien anymore, despite the revelation of his background in Muppets In Space. But I don’t think anyone can deny the simple truth of the matter that the possibility of a chicken-loving, death-defying extra-terrestrial lifeform so wholely dedicated to entertainment is reason enough to keep NASA’s space program funding for the rest of human existence.
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