It’s Friday! Maybe you just got paid. You could use that money for boring stuff like bills, rent, and food, or you could act like a wonderfully impulsive consumer and spend it on any number of products. Here are some ideas to get you started based on your taxable income bracket.
10% ($0 to $8,375)
It’s hard to get a full day’s nutrients on your salary but at $7, bacon chocolate nails all the important food groups: protein, fat, chocolate, carbohydrates, bacon—maybe not fruit or vegetables, but those are empty calories anyway. Unlike bacon chocolate.
15% ($8,375 to $34,000)
Nobody told you that getting a job in an office would result in such incessant typing. It’s everywhere! Treat your nearest co-worker to the $35 Thanko Keyboard Quiet Cover as you simultaneously treat yourself to some peace and quiet. You may be the last person in the office to still use pen and paper, but that doesn’t mean you should have to listen to people typing all day.
25% ($34,000 to $82,400)
Angry? Don’t shout at people, plants, and animals. Shout into a plastic jug instead. Seems logical. The Shouting Vase promises to "absorb your screams and shouts," none of which should be brought on by the fact that you paid $82 plus $34 in shipping charges for a plastic vase.
28% ($82,400 to $171,850)
Since cell phones have gotten so popular, you’ve had a hell of a time getting people to pay attention at your neighborhood Amway meetings. Show your houseguests that free Chex Mix comes with a price; their complete and total undivided attention. Strategically placing a few of these $140 cell phone jamming paintings around the house ought to do the trick. As a bonus, they look just like real paintings. Who could forget the famous Uncle Sam "I want YOU to turn off your cell phone" painting from the early 1900’s?
33% ($171,850 to $373,650)
Now that just about everyone has an iPad, you have no way of conveying that you have an iPad AND more money than most of the other mouth-breathing iPad owners. If only there were a $6,900 crocodile iPad case that you could buy. Then you could say super snooty things like, "When it comes to iPad protection, neoprene is fine but crocodile is divine!"
35% ($373,650 and up)
Hello, $55,000 street legal Tron Light Cycle. Hear that shuffling noise? It’s the sound of everyone who clears $373,650 in a year getting up from their mahogany desks and rushing out to buy one of these things. There are apparently only 10 being made. Nine if you count the one I just bou—what do you mean I have insufficient funds? Okay, there are 10 again. False alarm.
More on Techland: Paycheck Friday Archive