It’s Friday! Maybe you just got paid. You could use that money for boring stuff like bills, rent, and food, or you could act like a wonderfully impulsive consumer and spend it on any number of products. Here are some ideas to get you started based on your taxable income bracket.
10% ($0 to $8,500)
Whisky in a Can
Well it’s about time whisky came in a can. This "very rare blend" is comprised of eight shots inside a tried-and-true aluminum container that, as Newsfeed points out, "you can’t close back up." No price tag yet, as it hasn’t hit the market but A) it can’t possibly be priced at Whisky-snob levels and B) what do you care? You’ll be eight whiskies deep before you have time to worry.
15% ($8,500 to $34,500)
Cell Phone Lock Up: $15.98
You promised yourself—promised yourself!—that even though you were in no financial position to buy a smartphone with an expensive data plan, you’d limit yourself to sparse texting, very few phone calls, and miniscule data usage. And what happened the first month? You blew it—overage charge after overage charge after overage charge. Let this $16 phone jail be a ludicrous reminder that you’re your own worst enemy.
25% ($34,500 to $83,600)
Private iPhone Case: $55.99
If what you’re doing on your iPhone is either so sensitive or so inappropriate that you need to carry around a $56 shadow box that sits atop a tripod and makes it virtually impossible to use the phone’s touchscreen, then I salute you and applaud your newfound position as Mayor of Oddball Junction, USA.
28% ($83,600 to $174,400)
Ear Scope Fiber Optic Earwax Cleaner: $155
Funny, that’s the exact same expression that everyone who uses a fiber optic endoscopic in-ear camera has on their face the first time they take a good long look inside their ear canal. What was once the plaything of kings, presidents and doctors can now be yours for the low, low price of $155.
33% ($174,400 to $379,150)
Knokkers
You have a home. A nice home, judging by your salary range. It came with a backyard. A big backyard, again, judging by your salary range. But it doesn’t have a life-size pool table that allows you play pool as though you’re bowling. Such a game would be called Knokkers and, though not quite available for public purchase yet, you’d leverage that salary of yours to make it happen.
35% ($379,150 and up)
Diamond and Gold Fiat: $675,000
It almost seems like the world can’t produce gaudily excessive products with monstrously high price tags quickly enough to keep up with your lifestyle, huh? This $675,000 diamond and gold Fiat ought to be able to tide you over for at least a little while. It’s being commissioned by a Chinese businessman, so he’ll probably buy it when all is said and done, but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t commission something even more expensive and extravagant, right?
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