If you’re experiencing the horrible Snowmageddon that is about to dump its freezing wrath on your city (or already has), I commiserate with you. Chances are you’re stuck inside an office building like me, constantly checking your dashboard widget, phone or tablet to see if the snow has taken over the world outside blocking you from getting home tonight.
The last time I checked Apple’s Weather forecast, I was greeted with several new icons I had never seen before. Maybe it’s just the product of living in southern California most of my life, but the pictures seemed foreign to me. Judging from the little I know about winter weather, it seems the ground is covered in dew-covered cat hair right now, but later on little white flowers will fall on top of square, fringed pillows. On Wednesday, a humpback whale will swim into New York City. I’ll have a few days of reprieve before Saturday, where those white flowers will be leaving the city like shooting stars that launch from the ground.
Or I could call them by the names I came up with. It’s going to snizzard tonight, but right now it’s frigid as bouncing balls. Wednesday is VERI (volcanic eruption of raining ice) cold. Saturday we’ll get a taste of sneet.
Meanwhile, I took a gander at my old zip code in Los Angeles. It looks like the sun is dripping with sweat today:
Curses.
More on TIME.com:
Competition for iTunes? Google Music, Spotify Making Launch Strides