It’s Friday! Maybe you just got paid. You could use that money for boring stuff like bills, rent, and food, or you could act like a wonderfully impulsive consumer and spend it on any number of products. Here are some ideas to get you started based on your taxable income bracket.
10% ($0 to $8,500)
Bacon Flavored Toothpaste: $4.50
Two luxury items you can rarely afford—toothpaste and bacon—have finally been fused together in one aggressively-priced product! You’ll have the cleanest teeth on the block and your neighbors will be hanging on every bacon-scented word that comes out of your mouth. Respect and oral hygiene, it’s a winning combination.
15% ($8,500 to $34,500)
Wrap-a-Nap: $15
It’s a pillow, it’s a blindfold, it’s a giant earmuff.
Most importantly, it’s a pillow. The ultimate workplace companion, Wrap-a-Nap allows you to "sleep anywhere," which ought to give you all the extra energy you’ll need to go out and find that new job after you’re caught impersonating the lady in the above photo.
25% ($34,500 to $83,600)
In-Car Portable Heating Appliance: $25
We’ve all been there: careening down the highway at 70 miles an hour wondering aloud, "Why can’t I have hot soup?! Don’t I deserve hot soup?!"
Now you can have all the hot soup you want, whenever you want it. Heat up any liquid, for that matter. It’s your car, it’s your life and you’ll be damned if you let the safety of other drivers come between you and hot soup.
28% ($83,600 to $174,400)
Bar of Gold Wireless Mouse: $91
As the saying goes: "Mouse for the job you want, not the job you have."
The next time some jerk in middle management tells you to do something you don’t want to do, just pick up your gold mouse and say, "Sorry. That sounds like a job for someone with a regular mouse."
33% ($174,400 to $379,150)
TwoDaLoo: $1,400
Looks like the Saturday Night Live-inspired Love Toilet has finally become a real product. While $1,400 sounds like an awful lot for a product such as this, you’re getting on in the years and it’s important to spend as much time with loved ones as possible.
And if you’re single, what a fun activity for a first date!
35% ($379,150 and up)
Diamond and Alligator Guitar: $85,000
Nothing proves to people that you’re not having a midlife crisis like a guitar you can’t play that costs $85,000 and is made out of alligator skin and diamonds. Nobody even has to know you can’t play it.
Just casually say, "I can play it but, come on, would I buy an $85,000 guitar made out of alligator and diamonds if I couldn’t? Seems tacky." Then watch as all your dinner guests nod approvingly.
More on Techland: Paycheck Friday Archive