Microsoft Cofounder Paul Allen Slams Bill Gates in New Book

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Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen has a book coming out this month called Idea Man. You’ll find that Vanity Fair has a multi-page excerpt of the book, and the Wall Street Journal has a slightly shorter synopsis.

The chunk of the book dedicated to the story of Paul Allen and Bill Gates co-founding Microsoft together sounds eerily familiar.

Allen recounts that in 1982, he apparently overheard Gates and Microsoft’s current CEO Steve Ballmer “talking about Mr. Allen’s recent lack of productivity and how they might dilute his equity in the company,” according to the Wall Street Journal.

Diluting equity! Mind? Blown.

Allen plays Eduardo Saverin to Gates’ Mark Zuckerberg. With Ballmer playing Sean Parker! This movie barely even needs a script. And it’s been more than 10 years since the last movie about Microsoft was made.

Someone get Aaron Sorkin on the phone but kindly remind him that Bill Gates speaks with a slow drawl in real life, so he’ll have to just live with whoever plays Gates in the movie—The Operating System: You can’t multitask between business, friendship and greed!—speaking at a normal rate.

As for casting, here are my initial thoughts:

The young Bill Gates played by Justin Bieber, of course.

gatesbieber

(Gates photo: Corbis, Bieber photo: Reuters)

Same EXACT hair and same dopey facial expression, right? Gates can’t sing like Bieber (who sings like a damn nightingale—it’s mesmerizing) but that doesn’t really matter until this movie gets adapted for Broadway.

And the youthful Paul Allen to be played by Zach Galifianakis, of course.

allengalifianakis

(Allen photo: Corbis, Galifianakis photo: Reuters)

Galifianakis will need glasses, but that’ll give the prop department something to do for the 15 minutes between their union-sanctioned breaks.

As for Steve Ballmer, he looks exactly the same as he did in the early ’80s.

ballmersavalas

(Ballmer photo: Microsoft.com, Savalas photo: TellySavalas.com)

So Telly Savalas is a natural choice, assuming he’s still looking for work.

Strip a bunch of historical facts out of the story, portray everything as a big nerd fight that ultimately makes all the nerds involved look like A-holes and—boom—you’ve got the next Social Network burning up the box office charts.

More on TIME.com:

Bill Gates: ‘We’re Making Progress’ at Eradicating Polio

Microsoft Co-founder Paul Allen Sues Eleven Tech Companies

Social Network: Celebrating the New Digitized, Democratized American Dream

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