Yelp Reviews Sex Clubs? You Got It

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In case you didn’t get the memo, Yelp has expanded — to sex clubs. First, there was the quest to find that ultimate hipster spot (if they hadn’t already deemed it too “mainstream”), but now it’s off to what happens in the dark, naughty crevices of the night.

It’s a little shady, clandestine, and above all else in the lighthearted nature of just having “fun.” If hipster joints and airlines get reviewed, why not sex clubs when you’re trying to determine where you should spend your hard-earned money for a little rest and relaxation?

Whether you’re looking for a high-brow place to entertain out-of-towners, or just need to shoot the, um,  breeze, atmosphere is important. Too dark? Not dark enough? To crowded? Couples’ night?

Jezebel points out that maybe by nature, “it must be [hard] to create an atmosphere where everyone feels safe enough to get naked and explore. No matter how strict the door policy, there is always going to be some creepy guy jerking off in the corner.”

Yelp’s Thomas S. was not distracted enough by random shenanigans to notice the other great attributes in what makes a happening sex club:

And I’m not joking. The steakhouse is great. Very expensive, but the food was well prepared. I recently fulfilled my dream here. I always wanted to have a steak in one hand and a stripper giving me a lap dance in the other. This was achieved. Having said that, I will never eat at a strip club ever again probably.

Bottom line: Hottest strippers in New York. Most money you will ever spend at a strip club. If you’re charming and decent looking, you’ll get far. That last sentence is just good advice in life really.

Not sure if Thomas is talking about the girls, or what’s needed to get the girls’ attention? Fat wallets don’t hurt either.

(via Jezebel)

More on TIME.com:

Yelp Makes “Hipster” a Category to Describe Ambience

Yelp Deals Introduced in San Francisco

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