Conan O’Brien Kills Off E-Cards with Facebook ‘F*Cards’

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Electronic greeting cards are now officially dead, with Conan O’Brien’s Facebook-driven “F*Cards” taking their place.

They’re video messages you can send to your Facebook friends containing timely and appropriate advice dispensed by the goofy late night talk show host himself. There are 25 to choose from—here are some of the gems:

Re: Photos Of Your Baby

“Hi. Conan here. Your Facebook friend wanted me to tell you that you’ve now posted enough photos of your new baby for them to accurately draw it from memory. Ease up.”

Re: Your Mafia Wars Updates

“Conan O’Brien here. Your Facebook friend wanted me to tell you that if you don’t stop telling them how you’re doing in Mafia Wars, they’ll hire the actual mafia to break your face. That’s it.”

Re: Your Farmville Updates

“Hi. Conan O’Brien here. Your Facebook friend wanted me to tell you that they would rather have an incision made under their right eye and hot bacon grease poured into the wound and then have it stitched up with the grease still inside than ever hear again about how you’re doing in Farmville.”

FYI – I Just Ate Some Delicious Food!

“Hi. Conan O’Brien here. Your Facebook friend wants you to know they just ate something really delicious. If you want a description or if you want to see a picture of what they ate, then YOU SPEND TOO MUCH TIME ON FACEBOOK.”

Dear Creepy Stalker…

“Hello, Facebook Stalker. Conan O’Brien here. Just a tip: Writing weird comments on girls’ Walls won’t get you any closer to meeting them. It doesn’t work on real walls either. Trust me. I know.”

Congrats On Hooking Up

“Hey. Conan O’Brien here. Your ex wanted me to congratulate you on your ‘In a Relationship’ status. That didn’t take very long. But then again, with you, nothing does. Zing! Ha ha ha ha! Burn.”

Dear Secret Pervert…

“Hey. Conan O’Brien here. Your Facebook friend wanted me to tell you that your secret sexual fetish is safe with them. But tree moss? Really?”

Your “Single” Relationship Status

“Hey. Conan O’Brien here to tell you that your Facebook friend noticed you just changed your relationship status to ‘Single.’ They also want you to know that they’ll be waiting for you tonight in their room at 2AM with the doors unlocked, and they’ll be wearing nothing but a Slanket.”

[via Mashable]

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