15% ($8,500 to $34,500)
Epiphany Massager: $70
You work hard. That much is certain. And at the end of a long day, who’s there to rub your back? You, that’s who. And at your income level, who’s there to guard your possessions? You, that’s who.
Kill two birds with one stone when you purchase this $70 self massager that doubles as a freaky-looking weapon from the future. If a burglar kicks in your door while you’re giving yourself a little shoulder rub, calmly say, “Oh. Good. I’ve been expecting you. It has been foretold by the prophecy. I’ve rejuvenated my shoulder-unit with protein strands. Now we can begin.”
Make sure you say all that while looking sliiightly to the left of the intruder’s head. Just to make it extra creepy.
  |