It’s Friday! Maybe you just got paid. You could use that money for boring stuff like bills, rent, and food, or you could act like a wonderfully impulsive consumer and spend it on any number of products. Here are some ideas to get you started based on your taxable income bracket.
10% ($0 to $8,500)
Flip Flop Socks: $13
At long, long, long, long, long last you no longer have to decide between flip flops or socks. You can have flip flops AND socks! Well, actually just socks. But they look like flip flops, and image is everything at your salary.
Think of all the compliments you’ll get at the office. “Great flip flops! Love your pedicure!” And what about those hilarious moments when you’re walking around some neat freak’s house? “Take your sandals off!” They call them sandals. And the joke’s on them because you’re actually wearing socks.
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15% ($8,500 to $34,500)
Fake jeans that are actually lounge pants: $23
After a medium-hard day at your entry- to mid-level job, you want to slip on something a little more comfortable than ripped jeans, which you wear to work regularly anyway. But how?! Someone would have to invent lounge pants that look exactly like ripped jeans and sell them on SkyMall for $23.
As the product page says, they look just like jeans, but with “a much more forgiving stretch.” They only come in up to XL, though, so… just an FYI. And they can’t hold a candle to the awesome power of Pajama Jeans. The fact that Pajama Jeans don’t come in men’s sizes is truly a travesty, though.
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25% ($34,500 to $83,600)
Pete Rose “I’m Sorry I Bet on Baseball” baseball: $190
Oh my, this is unfortunate. One of the greatest baseball players in the history of the game has been reduced to autographing baseballs… which CAN BE YOURS FOR ONLY $190!
Either Pete Rose has an excellent sense of humor, or he’s hard up for cash.
Whatever the case, I’m hoping to sell commemorative keyboards some day with the keys arranged to spell out, “I’m sorry I wrote so much unimportant crap, like the time I wrote about the Pete Rose ‘I’m Sorry I Bet on Baseball’ baseball.” That’s the legacy I’ll leave.
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28% ($83,600 to $174,400)
Samsonite scooter luggage: $320-$400
This is a rolling suitcase that transforms into a scooter you can ride around the airport. I’m not sure what more you’d need to know as far as being convinced to buy something like this is concerned.
Sure, it’s more expensive than a standard rolling suitcase, but you can’t very well ride around on a standard rolling suitcase as though it was a scooter. You could ride around on it for a while, but eventually you’d be like, “Whup, I’m pretty sure I just crushed all those light bulbs I packed. Why do I insist on packing light bulbs every time I go on a trip? They have light bulbs in Peoria! And when am I going to be responsible for changing a light bulb while on a business trip in Peoria? I’ve GOT to stop packing light bulbs.”
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33% ($174,400 to $379,150)
Hand-crafted wooden excavator: $35,900
You want an excavator but you don’t want to go to all the trouble of actually excavating anything. You just want something nice to look at in the morning while you’re at the breakfast table, right?
“Hey, are you guys doing construction?” the neighbors will ask. “Nope, just like to look out at a 4,000-piece handcrafted wooden excavator in the morning. Gets my day off on the right foot,” you’ll answer. “Mind if our kids come over and climb on it?” they’ll ask. “If your kids come anywhere near my 4,000-piece handcrafted wooden excavator, it’ll be the last—and best—memory they have,” you’ll answer.
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35% ($379,150 and up)
Every PlayStation 2 game ever made: Priceless
Can you really put a price tag on all 1,850 PlayStation 2 titles that have been sold up to this point? Probably. Did the guy who bought all 1,850 PlayStation 2 titles (and then some) tally up the total cost? Nope. Ergo: Priceless.
Curiously, the games are all sealed. Never played. Dust free. No scratches. Manuals intact. Never opened. Factory fresh. Why? Why? Why? It’s like this guy’s waiting for someone like you to come along and make an offer on this mint-condition, nothing-like-it-in-the-world collection.
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