Listen, man. Why can’t I have myself a drink to unwind myself? Don’t touch me! I have every right to be here. My taxes pay for this dumpster. I’m not drunk! You’re drunk. I’m not drunk. I’m not. Watch, I’ll blow into this thingy. See? Serfectly pober. Oh, wait. Yeah, I’m in the bag. I pretty much soaked through the bag and into another bag, actually.
Has this happened to you? It could, if you’d just plunk down $150 for the BACtrack Mobile Breathalyzer. It’s a breathalyzer with a Bluetooth connection, so you can display your level of drunkenness on your cellphone. The fun doesn’t stop there, though. You can text the results directly to your favorite designated driver, anonymously upload how drunk you are to a world map, or publicly upload how drunk you are not only to the world map but to various social networks as well.
It’s like you’re having a drinking contest with the whole wide world! If binge drinking needs anything, it’s gamification, am I right?
Seriously, though, this thing straddles the line between being useful (you’re too drunk to drive!) and being a virtual version of your buddy who wear shorts even in the winter (let’s do shots, bro!). Assuming you use this to keep yourself alive and out of trouble, the app has a useful-sounding feature that estimates how long it’ll take you to sober up given your current state of drunkenness. There’s also a feature that lets you take and share photos of your drinks, which is something you’re really good at when you’re drunk. Ooh, whatever’s in that blurry glass looks good! And your finger looks great half-obscuring the lens, too!