Chris Hadfield, on behalf of my comrades here on Earth, we salute your return to terra firma.
While you were cooped up inside the International Space Station as its first Canadian commander from late December 2012 until recently, you submitted several videos to YouTube; videos containing tasks that, if performed here on Earth, would have drawn the nastiest of the nasty YouTube comments based solely on the relatively mundane nature of the things you did in these videos.
BUT! Since you sent them from the International Space Station, everything was exponentially more exciting and interesting. Unsurprisingly, there were still nasty YouTube comments, but no space station in the galaxy can fix that.
Here are your greatest hits, good sir:
You showed us how to cry.
You didn’t actually cry, but you’re manly enough to be okay with crying.
You showed us how to brush our teeth.
It’s kind of like when you go camping, except everything keeps floating away.
You showed us how to shave.
Dangers include breathing in your own whiskers and whiskers getting into the computers. This is why I don’t shave on Earth, just in case.
You showed us how to sleep.
Space jammies. Aw, yeah. Everything about this looks incredible. You’re like a man-sized space baby.
You showed us how to eat.
Peanut butter and honey on a tortilla, eh? Still too complicated for me, but it looks good nonetheless.
You showed us how to wash our hands.
Way, way, way more fun in zero-gravity.
You showed us how to stay in shape.
And like every YouTube video, it got turned into some sort of shimmy or shake or shuffle.
You showed us how to puke and what to do with it afterwards.
This is why there are no colleges in space.
You showed us how to drink our own sweat, wastewater and — yes — even pee.
I’ll be honest: Your way is less disturbing than the opening scene of Waterworld. Marginally less disturbing, but less disturbing all the same. Your filtration system seems more advanced than Kevin Costner’s, too.
And then, this.
All astronauts should be required to make a music video before they leave the ISS, right? Right.
More: First recorded comments by Chris Hadfield after landing [YouTube]