Revealed: Sony’s PlayStation 4 Is Actually a Giant Lump of Coal

Sony's new PlayStation 4 teaser reveals the forthcoming games console is definitely an object of some sort.

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Look up in the sky! It’s a…vent! It’s a…vaguely beveled protuberance! It’s a…oh, umm, okay, I guess it’s just the PlayStation 4, you know, viewed in the teaser video above as if held under an opaque, grayish tarp.

In other words, it’s a giant lump of coal. As giant lumps of coal go, it certainly has features! Like: the PlayStation logo, because we were sure worried it wouldn’t have that; lots of black holes, possibly for thermal egress (thus giving me a chance to use “egress” in a sentence); the rounded underside possibly of the new controller, which if we go with precedent is going to look exactly like the last five-bazillion controllers (but since that’s too obvious, probably won’t); a line of chevrons, which is kind of weird; and then a bunch of stuff that goes by too fast for me to care. (If you really want to see each frame, someone’s done the world that kindness here, though spoilers, all you’re getting is that it’s black and still conforms to the tenets of Euclidean geometry.)

What’s Sony up to besides sitting back, watching the headlines roll and chuckling “Made you look!”? Microsoft’s Xbox event is tomorrow at 1pm ET, during which the company’s probably going to unveil its latest Xbox-quel. Thus Sony’s PR stunt, in case you somehow missed the show back in February when Sony tipped us off to the PS4’s existence, or, you know, ever bought a game console because one looked cooler than another.

14 comments
JonnyKiish
JonnyKiish

ps4 is an epic fail imo. basically another ps3 lol. just a little better. never gonna be up to par with xbox. never has. never will. ps games are so boring and not exciting its just sad! what do you expect from a foreign japanese company?? its trash

germain.stpierre
germain.stpierre

this aticle was absolutely useless to anyone, anywhere in any levels of society.

uneek2005
uneek2005

I mean is it cool to hate Sony or something?

KeithSwerling
KeithSwerling

Remember when they said there was no such thing?

Heian
Heian

Revealed: the world's laziest game journalism.

cjh2nd
cjh2nd

@JonnyKiish  

i'd say the exact same thing about xbox compared to playstation.  the new xbox is going to be just another 360, only a little better. never has been as good as playstation, never will. for the most part, the systems have the same games, and for everything one console puts out exclusively for itself, the other one comes out with a similar one. additionally, everything i've read sounds like ps4 is going to blow the new xbox out of the water (and they're not going to charge you a bunch of bs fees like microsoft). 

 you're clearly an xbox fanboy (just as i'm claerly a playstation one). like with everything, it's a matter of opinion. in yours xbox makes you go from 8=D to 8===D. me, not so much. 

Heian
Heian

I mean I get how some people are in a rush to be snarky and throw the sarcasm out there like some hip new invention, but let's pretend for a second that you couldn't quantify those "features" with a cursory search of any article written by any game journalist who is more interested in providing information over their over-snarked opinion. Yes, the 40-second teaser trailer is not awash with data points. Nor is this article.

Out there in the world, there are countless people who have a real passion for this sort of thing. They are genuinely interested in the new systems. They're actually excited to see the next generation come to fruition. They want to discuss what they look forward to and what they're concerned about, what current quirks might be fixed and what features would play to the platform's strengths. It's hard to tell if Peckham is either purposefully misrepresenting the amount of information available, has done no actual research, or just chose to ignore it and focus on something he could make condescending comments about.

I feel bad for those who are trying to break into game journalism with a real love and appreciation for it, and may happen upon this lazily slopped-out piece, written with care and interest that rivals the amount of care and interest put forth in microwaving a hot dog. If I take anything away from this, it's that peckham seems to have a general disdain for the topic he's writing about.

Talking about something that some people have genuine interest in with such mockery is one thing, but trying to pass it off as journalism is another.

mattpeckham
mattpeckham moderator

@Heian "...not awash with data points." Ha. Try zero data points. If you want data points or anything resembling serious commentary about a trailer-stunt that deserves none, wait for E3, or go back and read coverage of the February launch. This is just wildly misaligned thinking.

needname33
needname33

@mattpeckham @Heian He has got a point if you want information your in the wrong place he should know he wrote this crap.

SwiftrightRight
SwiftrightRight

@mattpeckham @Heian Why would they do anything else? Putting out hard data would just distract folks away from the debacle that is microsoft's Big Brother box. And MS better be careful.

I feel like MS is trying to commit suicide, 1st with win8 and now with the new Xbox.