If you’re in the market for a new couch, bulletproof cushions might not be on your list of desired features, but let me ask you this: Are bulletproof cushions NOT on your list of desired features now that you know bulletproof couch cushions exist?
There are three styles of CouchBunker couches available, running between $5,000 and $8,000; the bulletproof cushions cost an extra $500 apiece.
“But Doug, I thought these were bulletproof couches.” Well, they’re actually couches with built-in gun safes that double as bulletproof couches if you buy the $500 cushions. I should have mentioned that up top, but I used to work at a furniture store and the salesmanship just took over without me realizing it.
Watch — it’s like riding a bike: Hey folks, let me know if I can answer any questions for you. Do you need a place to put your guns? Because that’s included with each couch. Howsabout Scotch-guarding to protect against spills? It pays for itself in one spill. And I take it you want the bulletproof cushions, right? That’s just a given. Let me check with the warehouse aaaaand… yep, we have these in stock. Did you bring a big enough car or did you want to set up a delivery?
Still got it.
No bulletproof couch would be complete without a demonstration of its bulletproofitude, so in that spirit, here’s a video of a guy shooting a bunch of bullets into a cushion. The grand finale is a 45-caliber handgun shooting into it at close range: