FINALLY: Caffeine-Infused Tank Top Promises to Slim You Down

Like a true sucker, I've been lathering myself with Aveeno while prancercising on the treadmill. This tank top could have saved me a lot of time and cleanup.

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Hammacher Schlemmer

This $85 tank top is infused with caffeine and promises to slim you down.

Hammacher Schlemmer – purveyor of wonderfully weird items – has finally outdone itself with this $85 tank top.

This magical article of clothing is somehow laced with coffee and green algae, which Hammacher claims will “rev up the body’s fat metabolism while creating a slimmer appearance.”

There’s more. “The soft, stretchy fabric contains micronized caffeine that stimulates lipolysis, the natural breakdown of stored fats, while the embedded brown algae moisturizes and smooths skin,” says Hammacher.

So this is like a workout and body lotion in one! Like a true sucker, I’ve been lathering myself with Aveeno while prancercising on the treadmill. This tank top could have saved me a lot of time and cleanup. Yes, it’s only available for women, but I’ll take my chances and try to stuff myself into a XXL.

For the magic to work, you’ll have to commit to wearing this thing eight hours a day for 21 days. The payoff, according to Hammacher, is up to an inch off the hips and up to 1.25 inches off the thighs. You can only machine-wash the tank top 20 times before all the juju wears off, too. After that, it’s just a plain black tank with a great story to tell.

The Caffeine Infused Slimming Tank Top [Product Page]

1 comments
Joey Metzger
Joey Metzger

Someone is going to have a heart attack and then sue