Nerd Archives — 1984

The following is an unedited transcription of one of Matt Selman’s actual eighth grade homework assignments.

Massively comic-book loving
Actively comic-book collecting
That is
The the [sic] avid
Hater of Wonder Woman
Wolverine is a

Not nice

Teacher’s comment: “Fun!”

Judd Apatow’s The Hobbit (Write-Your-Own Internet Comedy)

Editor’s Note: Matt Selman is busy this week with his commitments to the world of television and movies. In his absence, please execute the following high-concept internet comedy piece: How would the guys who brought you The 40 Year-Old-Virgin, Knocked Up and SuperBad cast and change the plot of J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit?

Penny Arcade and Homestar Runner: Now in Convenient, Sanitary Video Game Form

I remember when I interviewed the Homestar Runner guys back in 2003. I was sure they were on the brink of founding a whole Homestar Runner entertainment empire. Christmas specials, parade floats, novelty mudflaps, the works. They were the Charles Schulz’s of the Web. After the interview ran I would get calls from publishers begging for …


I don’t know if I have ever been more baffled by a consumer electronics product than I am by Sony’s Rolly, an MP3 player that sort of rolls around and flashes while it plays music. As of today it can be yours in exchange for 400 Earth dollars.

I cannot imagine how a non-high person could purchase, use, or have invented this object. I …

Eddie Izzard’s Reepicheep — The One-Mouse Show

“Reepicheep, a fearless mouse voiced by Eddie Izzard, is consistently appealing.” — The Wall Street Journal review of Prince Caspian

The White Witch… bit of a slag, isn’t she? Turning Mr. Tumnus to stone was one thing, but you know a girl’s a bitch if she bans Christmas. “No I’d rather not this year. Don’t fancy it. Even thought …

The Dollhouse Trailer: Science in a House Full of Hot Babes

There’s something a bit half-baked about Dollhouse, the new science fiction series from total genius Joss Whedon. But I can’t tell if it’s a problem with the show, or just an artifact arising from the choppy way the trailer has been cut together. They’re certainly leaning on the sex pretty heavily — do these “actives” (let’s roll …

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