The Blob & Toad Report — The Economic Stimulus Package

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Greetings, horrible homo sapiens! It’s me — the marvelous mutant known as The Toad! I can’t wait to get my $600 tax refund check from the government! To the Cherry Hill Mall I will hop in a hurry! First on my salacious shopping list — a new leather jerkin, with a more magnificent Medieval neck piece! Then, perhaps a pernicious plasma TV from Terrible Tweeter Etc. will grace my condo wall. And if there’s any fabulous funds left over, I will wrap my terrifying tongue around a Strawberry Banana Rendezvous Ice Cream Creation from Cold Stone Creamery! Thank you, Foolish Federal Government!

Oh Toad, it’s you who is da fool! Don’t spend yer moolah on that stuff! That’s why the country is in da crapper — people spend when dey oughtta save! You should use dat $600 smackers to pay down your Discover Card, or catch up on the lease on yer Acura. As any student of economic history can tells ya, an over-reliance on debt can blow up in yer face, and send global credit markets right up the wazoo! Dat is how we gots inta da Great Depression and what have you! I know Da Prez thinks us spendin cold cash will goose the economy, but dat guy’s a maroon! I’m puttin my lettuce into a tax-deferrred 401K, so I won’t be strapped for dough in my old age! Be smart and save… OR YOU’RE GONNA GET A POUNDIN’ FROM DA BLOB!