Fall Movie Preview. I’m Going to Tell the Truth

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I was going to do a rundown of all the fantasy and science fiction movies I’m looking forward to this fall, cribbed from io9’s admirably thorough fall preview.

Only too late did I spot the flaw in this otherwise near-perfect scheme: there aren’t any.

In September I will see 9, though Time’s reviewer takes a rather mixed view, and her reactions correlate pretty well with mine. She steadfastly refuses to use the word “stitchpunk,” which on the whole I think is prudent. I just don’t see how, based on what we know about the observable universe, Gamer or Surrogates could be good. But you know, if they find the Higgs boson, all bets are off.

October: I have no doubt that they will be aesthetically worthy in every possible sense, but I have enough trouble with suicidal ideation without seeing The Road or Where the Wild Things Are. Sorry. Doctor’s orders.

November: I don’t know what to tell you, November. I am trying to work up confidence about the extended-play, full-color Twilight Zone episode The Box, or the megabudget Con Air sequel 2012 (sorry, that was a John Cusack joke that didn’t quite work, but I’m too lazy to delete it), but I’m just not enough of a daydream believer. Somebody see The Box for me and tell me what happened to that guy’s face.

In December, I will see two movies. They are Sherlock Holmes and Avatar. I will see SH because I love SH, and because I want to be Robert Downey Jr.’s platonic life partner. But based on the trailer my pulse is not all a-flutter. And Avatar — ugh, I just can’t let go of the possibility that it might be good. Not great but good enough. It just cost so much money, you know? They could only have spent so much of it on Sigourney Weaver’s hot blue alter-ego.

By the way, the keen-eyed will note that there are not actually any fantasy movies coming out this fall, unless you count New Moon and maybe — I guess — Where the Wild Things Are. But no swords and no wizards. I’ve thought about this problem elsewhere.