Things I’m Trying Not to Do: Wurdle

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Actually the main thing I’m trying not to do is play Halo: ODST. But I think there’s still an embargo on ODST reviews. So that’s out. So the other thing I’m trying not to do is play Wurdle.

Wurdle is an iPhone app. You get a grid of letters. You swipe your finger over them in any direction. When you make a word, you get points, and it makes a little chime, and your brain secrets a little droplet of pure natural heroin. You feel happy. Then the feeling goes away, and you swipe some more. You have two minutes to make as many words as you can.

When two minutes are up, you learn whether or not your life has any purpose, depending on whether or not you notched a new high score. Then the little orange letters rearrange themselves excitedly — it’s a real graphical masterpiece — as if they can’t wait to be spelled on again. You can’t wait either.

You learn a lot from playing Wurdle. It’s really educational. You learn that RES is a word. And REC and REG. Words that in the past played little or no role in your emotional life become more important to you than your children and/or romantic partners. You learn that it is possible to walk along a crowded subway platform while spelling letters with your finger, and that your fellow subway riders do not and never will understand how important it is that you do so.

You also learn that other people are damn liars. Because there’s no possible way anybody could crack 10,000 on this thing, at 2 minutes, with a 5×5 grid. Let alone 20K.