Zombie of the Week: “Wait Wait … Don’t Eat Me!”

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I think we can all agree:  As far as the world of fan fiction goes, you spend more time slushing through the typos and wordy-porns to really consider it worth your time. But sometimes, you come across a gem that gives you just a little more patience to press on.

This week’s Zombie of the Week hails from one such gem, a hilarious parody of NPR’s Wait Wait … Don’t Tell Me! written by fan fic author Nestra.

(More on Techland: Zombie of the Week: Plants vs. Zombies)

This phony NPR broadcast brings us the much-speculated topic of a zombie apocalypse and infuses it with the broadcast’s weekly on-air guessing game. Only this time, as humans grow scarce, the interviewee is Steve, the former investment banker turned undead amidst the chaos. His simple macabre responses mixed with the upbeat tone creates the great comedy of this week’s zombie must-read. (For the full piece, click here.)

Wait, Wait … Don’t Eat Me

CARL: From NPR and Chicago Public Radio, this is Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me, the NPR news quiz. I’m Carl Kasell, and here’s your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago: Peter Sagal!

PETER: Thanks, Carl! Hello, everyone! We’re going to be cutting our show a little short today, because, as you may have heard, there’s an apocalypse happening! But we didn’t let the election of Barack Obama stop us, and we’re not going to let the zombie hordes stop us either. After the show today, myself, Carl, and the panelists will be taking our families to the secret underground NPR bunker, and no, you can’t come. I bet you wish you’d donated more during that last pledge drive!

PAULA: Sure, rub it in.

MO: The mug with the NPR logo was just too appealing.

PETER: To play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That’s 1-888-924-8924. Our first and only listener-contestant is on the line. What’s your name?

ZOMBIE: Brains?

PETER: Actually, according to my card here, your name is Steve Ryerson, from right here in Chicago! Steve is, or I should say was, an investment banker, and we all know they were the first to be targeted and converted into mindless zombies.

TOM: You mean they weren’t before?

MO: It explains a lot about the financial collapse.

PETER: Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, a contributor to CBS Sunday Morning, Mo Rocca!

MO: Hi, Steve.

STEVE: Brains.

PETER: A humorist and author of the new audio book “It’s Just Like I Told You: Twenty-Five Years of Comment and Comic Pieces,” Tom Bodett!

TOM: Hi there, Steve.

STEVE: Brains.

PETER: And finally, a comedienne whose CD “I Heart Jokes” is available at paulapoundstone.com, at least until the internet fails us, Paula Poundstone!

PAULA: Brains?

STEVE: Brains.

PAULA: I thought you might say that, Steve.

PETER: Steve, you’re going to start us off with “Who’s Carl This Time?” Carl will recreate for you three voices from the week’s news. Your job is to identify them. If you get two out of three right, you win our prize, Carl’s voice on your answering machine. Of course, since civilization is disintegrating around us, we’ll probably be relying on smoke signals for the next generation or two. Here’s your first quote.

CARL: “I am tired of these m-f’ing zombies in my m-f’ing White House!”

PETER: That was a slightly edited version of a quote from which world leader, in response to the zombie threat?

STEVE: Brains?

PETER: No, I’m sorry, it was Vice-President Joe Biden, who went, and we quote the vice-president again, “all Samuel L. Jackson on their asses.” President Obama, meanwhile, defended the West Wing with a functioning lightsaber that the Pentagon had apparently built for him in secret… [More]

More on Techland:

Zombie Wars: Star Wars, Zombified

Zombie of the Week: The Minnesota Zombie Activists

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