Baseball Bat Pepper Grinder: $60
It’s a pepper grinder that’s the size of a baseball bat. Otherwise known as the perfect thing to talk about within the first five minutes of a blind date. “Oh, me? Well, I happen to LOVE baseball. Like, I love it so much that I have a bat-sized pepper shaker. I’ll use it when I cook for you. We’re going on a second date, right? Answer me!”
MLB 2K10: Price varies based on platform
Buying MLB 2K10 is merely a suggestion. You do, however, need some sort of baseball video game. So there’s MLB 2K10, which is available on just about every platform; MLB 10 The Show, which is available on PS3; and The BIGS 3, which will probably come out in July.
Hot Dog Toaster: $17
For some, watching the game at home on a nice, big HDTV is just as gratifying as being at the game in person. But what about the hot dogs? You miss out on the hot dogs! Cook them yourself with minimal time and effort using the $17 Hot Dog Toaster. The toaster dogs probably won’t taste as good as true ballpark franks but you won’t have to watch 15 people grope your food as they pass it down the row to you.
Digital Camera Binoculars: $70
If you’re going to watch an entire sporting event through a pair of binoculars, you might as well snap some photos of whatever you’re looking at. And $70 for a pair of 10×25 magnification binoculars with built-in digital imaging capabilities isn’t too outrageous at all. Preserve every crotch grab, chew spit, and ass pat forever.
Any Sport Radar Gun: $500
You can use the $500 Any Sport Radar Gun to measure a baseball pitcher’s velocity, sure. But you can use it for all sorts of other things, too, like how fast your cat runs between his scratching pole and litter box. “My oh my, Mr. Jefferson! You’re moving at five miles per hour! Slow down, Mr. Jefferson! You don’t want to bend your whiskers!”