10 Must Have Items For Any Baseball Fan

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Baseball season is officially underway. Here are 10 must-have items for any self-respecting fan of the great American pastime.

Beerbelly Stealth Beverage System: $35

beerbelly

Eight bucks for a beer inside a stadium? Come on. The Beerbelly pays for itself in less than five beers. You wear it under your shirt and it holds 80 ounces of liquid. Will your belly beer stay cold all afternoon? Probably not but, hey, eight bucks is eight bucks. If they sold warm beer for $2 at the stadium, you’d buy it over the cold $8 beer.

MLB.TV: Starting at $20 per month

mlb I live in Boston but my beloved Minnesota Twins are never on TV out here. What’s a nice, mild-mannered Midwesterner to do? For $20 per month, I can get live broadcasts of all the games around the league through MLB.TV. For $5 more, I can pause and rewind them, watch the home or away broadcast, and follow four games at once in split-screen.

Liveboard: $200

liveboard

With a handsome design and no monthly fees, the Liveboard live baseball scoreboard cycles through any games currently taking place or you can set it to display the real-time score whenever your favorite team is playing.

2010 Official Baseball Rules Book: $10

rules Baseball is a game of rules. Many, many rules. Try explaining baseball to someone who’s never played before. It’s like trying to teach French to a doorknob. What the hell does the doorknob want to learn French for? He barely speaks as is and he’s well aware that you’re never taking him to France. Quit jerking him around with all this France talk. Now where was I? Ah, yes. The baseball rules book contains all the rules of baseball.

Beats by Dr. Dre Red Sox Edition Headphones from Monster: $400

beats

You have money and you’re a Red Sox fan. I have only the Red Sox fan angle working for me, personally, but for anyone else in New England with a cool $400 to spend on headphones, we now have our go-to Red Sox cans.

Baseball Bat Pepper Grinder: $60

bat It’s a pepper grinder that’s the size of a baseball bat. Otherwise known as the perfect thing to talk about within the first five minutes of a blind date. “Oh, me? Well, I happen to LOVE baseball. Like, I love it so much that I have a bat-sized pepper shaker. I’ll use it when I cook for you. We’re going on a second date, right? Answer me!”

MLB 2K10: Price varies based on platform

mlb2k10

Buying MLB 2K10 is merely a suggestion. You do, however, need some sort of baseball video game. So there’s MLB 2K10, which is available on just about every platform; MLB 10 The Show, which is available on PS3; and The BIGS 3, which will probably come out in July.

Hot Dog Toaster: $17

hotdog For some, watching the game at home on a nice, big HDTV is just as gratifying as being at the game in person. But what about the hot dogs? You miss out on the hot dogs! Cook them yourself with minimal time and effort using the $17 Hot Dog Toaster. The toaster dogs probably won’t taste as good as true ballpark franks but you won’t have to watch 15 people grope your food as they pass it down the row to you.

Digital Camera Binoculars: $70

binoculars

If you’re going to watch an entire sporting event through a pair of binoculars, you might as well snap some photos of whatever you’re looking at. And $70 for a pair of 10×25 magnification binoculars with built-in digital imaging capabilities isn’t too outrageous at all. Preserve every crotch grab, chew spit, and ass pat forever.

Any Sport Radar Gun: $500

radar You can use the $500 Any Sport Radar Gun to measure a baseball pitcher’s velocity, sure. But you can use it for all sorts of other things, too, like how fast your cat runs between his scratching pole and litter box. “My oh my, Mr. Jefferson! You’re moving at five miles per hour! Slow down, Mr. Jefferson! You don’t want to bend your whiskers!”

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