Pope To Get HD Upgrade By Christmas, 3D To Follow

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Soon, you’ll be able to watch the Pope proselytize in your very own living room as the Vatican upgrades its television broadcasts into not only HD, but 3D as well. The announcement came today, as the Vatican unveiled a new $6 million mobile broadcast unit that will allow the Pope to be seen in high definition the world over in time for his various Christmas messages this year, with the ability to upgrade to 3D at a later date. The new equipment – funded by the Vatican, with contributions from the Knights of Columbus and a $1 million+ discount from manufacturers Sony – was necessary to keep Catholicism contemporary, according to Vatican spokesman the Rev. Federico Lombardi, who said, “If we don’t maintain an adequate level of quality and capacity, we’d be standing in the way of broadcasting images and thus the pope’s message.”

Sadly, we shouldn’t expect Piranha 3D-esque visuals when the Pope finally makes the jump into the third dimension, according to officials. Gildas Pelliet, the head of Sony’s Italian division, told reporters, “3-D can be done in a very discreet, subtle way. It’s not like a film that we see in the movie theaters with all this spectacle.” So, no moments where the Pope’s hand will reach out of the screen to offer you a communion wafer, then.

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