Paycheck Friday: Purchasing Suggestions for Your Perusal

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It’s Friday! Maybe you just got paid. You could use that money for boring stuff like bills, rent, and food, or you could act like a wonderfully impulsive consumer and spend it on any number of products. Here are some ideas to get you started based on your taxable income bracket.

10% ($0 to $8,500)

toytazer_small

Toy Tazer: $3.40

If you’ve been on the lookout for GREAT kids toys that won’t break the bank, this toy tazer fits the bill marvelously. It really shocks people! Sure, maybe not as horrifically as a real tazer but that’ll just give you the chance to teach your child about responsibility: "If you’re still playing with this tazer a year from now, we’ll talk about getting you a big boy tazer."

15% ($8,500 to $34,500)

instant-window

Inflatable Window: $11.95

Your apartment, your workplace, your car that’s been broken into several times: What do they all have in common? Crappy and/or no windows. It’d take equal parts building ownership and craftsmanship to install new windows, and those windows would cost more than your yearly window budget allows.

That’s where the inflatable windows come in. They’re $12 a pop and feature beautiful seaside scenery—a far cry from fire escapes and smokestacks. And when you inevitably get fired and evicted, just pack them up and use them in your car, which will conveniently double as your new home and office.

 

25% ($34,500 to $83,600)

usb-karaoke-mute-mic

Noiseless USB Karaoke Mic: $70

You sing like a nightingale, but your a-hole neighbors seem to be way, way, way too wrapped up in stupid stuff like "sleep" and "work" and "their baby" to appreciate your talents. Thankfully, there’s a $70 USB microphone with "a veritable cone of silence" surrounding it. As a bonus, it makes you look really cool and is very unlikely to be a haven for mouth germs as you and your friends take turns spitting—er, singing—into it.

 

28% ($83,600 to $174,400)

petscale

Pet Scale: $169.95

Yes! There’s FINALLY a scale you can use to weigh your pets. It’s just like a conventional, human scale except the weight limit is 130 pounds and it costs $160 more than a scale that’s not explicitly meant for pets. And if you’re thinking of getting a pet, make sure to note that pet scales command a $160 price premium over human scales. Just so you know.

 

33% ($174,400 to $379,150)

fingers-sunglasses

Fingers Sunglasses: $300

If you have to ask why $300 plastic sunglasses that look like hands and don’t provide any UV protection whatsoever are fashionable, then maybe you aren’t quite ready for life in the big city. This is where it’s at, you guys. These things make Lady Gaga look like Janet Reno. Yes, a Janet Reno reference—that’s how fashionable these sunglasses are. 

 

35% ($379,150 and up)

lars-homestead-590x442

Lars Homestead: $10,000

Look familiar? It’s Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru’s house. It’s an actual place in Tunisia, and some people are trying to raise $10,000 to have it restored. But I was thinking that maybe you could use some of your many monies to just buy the place outright. Maybe put a pool table in there, maybe a pinball machine. Maybe a droid that’s actually a keg-o-rator? This all makes so much sense, it’s just silly. And Tunisia is lovely. What’s the hold up?

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