Revealed: Sony’s PlayStation 4 Is Actually a Giant Lump of Coal

Sony's new PlayStation 4 teaser reveals the forthcoming games console is definitely an object of some sort.

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Look up in the sky! It’s a…vent! It’s a…vaguely beveled protuberance! It’s a…oh, umm, okay, I guess it’s just the PlayStation 4, you know, viewed in the teaser video above as if held under an opaque, grayish tarp.

In other words, it’s a giant lump of coal. As giant lumps of coal go, it certainly has features! Like: the PlayStation logo, because we were sure worried it wouldn’t have that; lots of black holes, possibly for thermal egress (thus giving me a chance to use “egress” in a sentence); the rounded underside possibly of the new controller, which if we go with precedent is going to look exactly like the last five-bazillion controllers (but since that’s too obvious, probably won’t); a line of chevrons, which is kind of weird; and then a bunch of stuff that goes by too fast for me to care. (If you really want to see each frame, someone’s done the world that kindness here, though spoilers, all you’re getting is that it’s black and still conforms to the tenets of Euclidean geometry.)

What’s Sony up to besides sitting back, watching the headlines roll and chuckling “Made you look!”? Microsoft’s Xbox event is tomorrow at 1pm ET, during which the company’s probably going to unveil its latest Xbox-quel. Thus Sony’s PR stunt, in case you somehow missed the show back in February when Sony tipped us off to the PS4’s existence, or, you know, ever bought a game console because one looked cooler than another.