Guest Blogger: The Simpsons’ Tim Long

Hi! I’m Tim Long, a colleague of Matt Selman’s on The Simpsons writing staff. I’m subbing for Matt today while he works on next week’s blog post, an elaborate parody of X-Men Origins – Wolverine entitled, Breakfast Men Origins – Chocula.

My subject today is this:

“I can’t deny that I’m a nerd” – Katie Holmes

“I was a nerd in school” – Zac Efron

“I’m a big nerd!” – Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling

“[I was a] nerd to your language, yes” – Jean-Claude Van Damme

“Oh my God, I’m such a nerd!” – at least one good-looking person at every party I’ve attended since 2004.

Why, exactly, do beautiful, popular people keep insisting upon membership in the Geek Nation? Probably because it’s a social twofer: by claiming to be a nerd, Jean-Claude Van Damme gets to appear self-deprecating while at the same time vaguely implying that he’s a genius – a view that might not occur to anyone who’s seen Time Cop.

The problem, of course, is that it impoverishes the language: if we let Katie Holmes get away with calling herself a “nerd”, then we no longer have the perfect word to describe Steve Wozniak. It’s also offensive to all the real nerds who get swirlied, wedgied, nerpled, and kancho’d all over the world every day – often by lunks who look just like self-proclaimed nerd Curt Schilling.

Now, I’m not denying that a guy like Zac Efron probably felt like a nerd in high school; everyone does at some point. I’m just saying that he should keep it to himself. Zac, you’re already Fonzie – do you have to be Potsie as well?

***

As a bonus, here’s a clip from the best movie ever made on the theme of nerd revenge, Revenge of the Nerds. I very much doubt that Katie Holmes could name the sorority or the fraternity that’s “clapping along”:

Will Google’s Insanely-Fast Kansas City Network Shame U.S. ISPs?

Google’s highly-anticipated plan to build an ultra-fast city broadband network kicked into gear Monday with the search giant’s announcement that it will begin laying miles of fiber-optic cable across Kansas City, Kansas and neighboring Kansas City, Missouri. Google said it aims to create a new “high speed infrastructure” that will allow local citizens to enjoy data speeds 100 times the national average. Google’s goal? To show off its telecom engineering chops and showcase next-generation web-applications. Oh, and maybe shame the big national broadband providers into improving U.S. Internet service speed, which currently lags behind many other countries around the world.

Cliff

next week’s blog post, an elaborate parody of X-Men Origins – Wolverine entitled, Breakfast Men Origins – Chocula
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The horror! The horror!
tyrantking

Yeah, it’s safe to say that the term “nerd” has been hijacked. This is undoubtedly the result of the Nerd uprising of the last 15 years. In your attempt to remove the stigma from the word, you lost ownership. You can probably blame the internet and the dude who plays the mac in the Apple commercials. The good news is that geek and loser are still mostly pejorative and applicable.
That Anonymous Dude

is there anyway for us to protest in advance next weeks post? can i light something on fire that would prevent it?
eduardojencarelli

Nerd’s become classy. Once it becomes trendy, it loses all meaning. That’s the downside to having superhero movies and videogames as acceptable forms of mainstream entertainment. I guess nerd can’t be used to describe Comic Book Guy anymore.

I guess it’s time for a new Revenge of the Nerds. I wonder if they can bring back Anthony Edwards.

By the way, I’m probably one of very few people who actually enjoyed the jockey elves on one of your episodes. Unexpected and surreal, but not that out of place on the main story.

The N’Sync episode was also quite a treat. Only on the Simpsons there could be any kind of connection between joining the Navy and Mad Magazine.
snootay

I don’t know if I’d put Curt Schilling on that list. He does have an unhealthy obsession with MMORPGs.
Rorschach

People stealing the word nerd has pissed me off also. I don’t really have anything to add, so I’ll just say I agree with you
dennitzio

Doesn’t bother me any. I look at as a source of honor, like Queer Pride. But my favorite part is that the unconfident A-males who routinely bullied nerds in HS are, in my experience, respecting of, working for, or jealous of nerds (especially techy geeks). Bill Gates alone is probably worth more than all the frat boys in the country put together.
trixie2212

This drives me nuts, much like when beautiful obviously high maintenance women love to claim they were the “biggest tomboy ever!” when they were younger.
farsig

After a celebrity says they were a nerd or geek when they were growning up, we should then ask them where to find a [Robe of Agrul] for my lvl 18 BE Priest. I’m sure katie holmes would come back with a fast “That’s a lvl 20 BoP noob. You don’t need it yet.”
Dave

The trouble with nerditude becoming mainstream and cool is that the more hardcore nerds work to differentiate themselves from the mainstream (what made them nerds in the first place, to be honest). As something nerdy (MMOs) becomes mainstream (WoW), it becomes nerdy to hate on WoW because it’s a popular MMO. I’m sure Watchmen will quickly become very uncool to some nerds because of all the mainstream attention (and yes, to other nerds, it will still be Watchmen).
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Also keep in mind that there are degrees of nerditude. I go OCD over Lost, but I’m hardly in league with the majority of posters to Nerd World. Other than Lost, my biggest claim to being a nerd is the fact that I play DotA. That and my annual one-day Star Wars marathon, but who doesn’t already do that? I don’t read comic books (or graphic novels), and I rarely read nerdy literature (the Ender/Shadow series and the HP books). So… am I a nerd? How are such things measured?
kristofero

Tim– That was really funny. Come back anytime!

Dave– If you’re trying to quantify your nerdiness… you qualify.
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[...] were treated to a delightful virtual presentation by Tim Long, writer and producer for the Simpsons, that made us laugh as he reminded us about what was both [...]