The canonical list of fake Facebook names

fakebook

About 18 months ago, a few of my buds and I were ovulating a scheme for something we were calling the Social News Network.

The idea was pretty simple: How could we use Facebook to create a news network? I figured we’d start with a website, baited with news items that were irresistible to Facebookers, who’d then link to them and pass them on. But my friend Seth Goldstein, who runs the ad network, socialmedia.com, pointed out that we didn’t need a website at all. You could just drop items into the Stream, as it were, and they’d spread virally from person to person.

Of course, with the steep ramp up of Twitter, SNN was born in deed if not in name. So good thing our idea never got off the ground!

I thought of SNN the other day when I was clearing out some old files and found a “story” that we were going to use to test our idea. It’s a list of fake names my daughter Zoe and I found on Facebook. I have no idea why we thought this would spread to all corners of the earth. We just did.

For the sake of science, I have listed them after the jump.

(WARNING: These are extremely puerile fake names. Some people will even find them in very bad taste and of a sexual or scatological nature. You’re welcome.)

A true and accurate list of fake names of real Facebook users circa January, 2008. Number in parentheses is number of people using that name.

Mike Hunt (500+)

Ben Dover (500+)

Harry Dick (265)

Mike Rotch (177)

Mo Lester (108)

Harry Nuts (74)

Dick Fitzwell (69)

Craven Morehead (57)

Pat McGroin (56)

Howie Feltersnatch (46)

Harry P. Ness (45)

Jock Strap (45)

Anita Weiner (44)

Hugh Jass (40)

Jack Goff (34)

Harry Beaver (33)

Buster Hymen (30)

Jack Mehoff (22)—including Jack Mehoffplese

Sandy Dick (21)

Di Rhea (17)

Mike Sweeny (16)

Jacques Strap (14)

Phil McCrevis (13)

Heywood Jablowme (8)

Ivana Mandic (8)

Tess Steckle (4)

Claude Bawls (2)

Gae Hooker (2)

Anita Bohn (1)

Ben Yankinoff (1)

Dick Israel Small (1 though could be real name. I knew a guy with this name in grade school.)

Fawn Dell Maibalz (1)

Hugh G. Rection (1)

Harold Assman (1)

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http://youtube.com/churchhatestucker Church

“Dick Israel Small (1 though could be real name. I knew a guy with this name in grade school.)”

I would assume he’d have changed it by now. Or at least go by, say, “Rick.”
Josh Quittner

He goes by Izzie. Also, my brothers had a swim instructor when they were kids named Sandy Rehr, True story,
Lev Grossman

Fawn Dell Maibalz is working too hard
Kemper

There’s actually a major league baseball player named Mike Sweeny so you might have to downgrade that to 15 users, assuming 1 is really him.
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I was in a bar once where a waitress got phone pranked and fell for the Mike Hunt thing and shouted it several times. I would have said it couldn’t have happened outside of a movie, but I guess the classics never die.
http://youtube.com/churchhatestucker Church

@Kemper – Baltimore’s premier sports reporter is named “Peter Schmuck.”
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Even he says, “I knew my wife loved me when she agreed to take my name.”
Kemper

@ Church – That must be true love. Of course, the ultimate sports name is the NASCAR driver, Dick Trickle. No further jokes needed.
Tom Shaw

My workplace not only employs a Mike Hunt (heaven forbid the tongue lashing one gets if you do not page him as Michael), but a Mike Raasch as well.

Some people’s parents simply did not think things through.
Brew

I think Matt Selman needs to comment on all the names Bart uses when he calls Moe’s Tavern.
republibotthreepointoh

I knew a guy from New England who’s real name was “Mike Hunt.” No kitting. His parents were aparently cloistered or something. Trolling the Pink Raygun site some time back, I read a comment from a guy who’s real name was “Jack Mehoff.” They removed his post for profanity or whatever, and he complained. Evidently his parents were immigrants who had no clue about the secret meaning….
http://youtube.com/churchhatestucker Church

@Brew – see here
http://www.snpp.com/guides/moe_calls.html
coaster26

On a military installation, I once heard an overhead page for a Major Bootay. I thought they were playing a joke until I saw her. Right there on her chest, the surname BOOTAY. I’ve seen as a surname several times, Shittaker, with various spellings, as well. Worse first name I saw for it was Neil. Also knew a William Sticker once. If you’ve lived in Europe, you probably get this. During his one visit there, he had a cop in stitches, trying to explain it. The officer couldn’t understand why anyone would name a child that ON PURPOSE.
Brew

Thanks Church; now I won’t hate my Monday (as much anyway)!